Tangled
by racefh853629
Summary: With life, some things fall into place while some things fall apart. The team struggles through a lot of things, usiing each other to lean on the entire time as everyone has a story. Eventual character death, ships to be revealed later on.
1. I'm Full Of Regret

A/N: I'm going to do something I don't normally do... trying to update three WIPs at the same time. It's ambitious, and also proof that I am crazy, but I also am proud of this story and want to start posting it. :) I don't own CSI:NY, CBS, or any other known entity. Chapter titles coincide with the lyrics of the title song, "Tangled" by Maroon 5, and don't always correlate to what's going on in the chapter, but sometimes they do. Mostly, it's just following the song. ;) The story will include some themes that can be uncomfortable, including someone dying, and a bunch of characters will be going through many journies in this. This can get somewhat confusing, but I think you guys will do fine with following it. It starts in Season 5 with Veritas, so anything that has aired for the season is fair game. Also, this story is inspired by rumors and spoilers, so a few things that have not been shown yet will pop up. For those who love ships, there may be one or two here and there within, but there is not D/L. The reason I say that now is so there is no confusion later on. Please refer back to this as needed. I hope you guys enjoy this story, and please review. :)

* * *

Prologue- I'm Full of Regret…

He watched from a relatively safe distance as frustration rolled off of her with every move she made. He understood what was going on, because he was frustrated too. Everyone was working their asses off to find the son of a bitch that abducted Mac, because they all wanted him behind bars.

But, between samples, he snuck glances at her.

She really was beautiful, in every way. She was very good looking, and sweet as anyone with him. Especially when he was having a bad day. It seemed she always knew when he was having a bad day, and that's what made her such a valuable friend to him.

Today probably would end up being one, given what he'd done, but he couldn't help it. He'd do it again in a heartbeat. So, after putting the last sample in the machine, he sighed, and prepared himself for a hard discussion.

Nothing was going to make this easy.

He walked into Mac's office, finding the older man staring out the window. "I did something," he said nervously. Mac turned to face him, and Adam felt his hands start shaking involuntarily.

Now or never.

* * *

"Should you be drinking with a concussion?" she asked, plopping next to him at the bar. Mac turned to his companion with a shrug.

"Ask Hawkes," he replied, gesturing toward the crowd and the last place he saw the doctor head off to.

"He came with you?" Her voice held a twinge of amusement, and Mac nodded, shrugging.

"He's concerned."

"We all are." She put her hand on his shoulder, and he sighed, twisting his face into a thoughtful look.

"I'm a big boy, Stella," he told her, much like she had told him a few years ago after Frankie's attack.

"I know you are," she told him. "We all know you are. You're one of the strongest people I know. But, every once in a while, it's okay to…"

"I'm fine, Stella." He cut a sharp look toward her, and she shook her head.

"Whatever you say, Mac," she told him, patting his shoulder before picking up her drink and leaving the bar. He sighed, sitting there for a few minutes before looking off to where she had gone.

Stella worked her way through the floor, finding that Hawkes had stumbled on Danny and Flack in the corner. "Hey, guys," she said, joining them.

"Stell, how you doin'?" Flack asked, making room for her to sit.

"I'm good, Don." The conversation was rather light as Mac walked up to the table to join them. They made room for him as well, and Don turns to Mac.

"Should you be drinking with a concussion?" he asked.

"He's fine," Hawkes told them, watching Mac. Mac stared at his beer, silent, as everyone's eyes turned to him.

"You heard the doctor," he told them without looking up. They chuckled quietly.

"Yeah, we did," Danny said. "So, did anyone see that game tonight? Holy cow…"

As Danny, Flack, and Hawkes chatted about baseball, Stella watched Mac with concern. She heard him grumble softly. "I swear to you, Stella, I'm fine," he said quietly.

"You're more quiet than usual," she replied. He shrugged.

"I'm thinking. I like to think."

"Don't think too hard," she told him gently, patting his arm before turning back to the younger three men with them.

* * *

His phone rang, bolting him awake. "Adam Ross," he said tiredly.

"Adam?" she replied, her voice soft and sweet with a touch of fear. "I know it's really late, but I need your help."

"Kendall?"

"Adam, please. I need your help."

"I'll be right there. Just tell me where you are."

"I'm outside your apartment. Can you buzz me in?"

"Yeah, yeah." He stood up, trying to wake up as he walked over to the buzzer. He let her in, hanging up the phone and walking into the other room. He threw on pants as she knocked on his door. Throwing open the door quickly, he took in her appearance.

She was disheveled, shaken up, and crying. He frowned at seeing his best friend, and someone he cared about, look so broken. "Kendall?" he asked gently as she stood shaking before him.

"Adam, I really need your help…"


	2. For All the Things

A/N: I've been super busy, so I apologize for the slow updates. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you guys enjoy this story, and please please please review! :)

* * *

Chapter 1- For All the Things…

Adam sighed softly, watching Kendall sleep on his couch. The fear was gone, put on the back burner for the moment, and she was fast asleep in a place he knew she always felt safe in. As he watched her sleep, he thought back to their conversation earlier in the evening, frowning to himself at the situation she was in.

_Flashback:_

"_I don't know what to do," she told him._

"_What do you mean?" he replied._

"_Adam, it's complicated."_

"_Kendall, I'm only saying this like this because I truly care about you, but how complicated can it be? He's stalking you."_

"_It's not really like that," she sighed. He frowned._

"_It _is_ like that. It's Drew Bedford going after Stella level of stalking. You've asked him to stop, and he's ignoring you. He's stalking you."_

"_But… it's harmless."_

"_For now." He watched her as she said nothing, wrapping her arms around his left arm and clinging tightly. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he put his right arm around her. "You know you wouldn't have come to me if you weren't afraid, Kendall."_

"_You're right," she said, sighing again. Adam smirked slightly._

"_I know I am," he replied playfully, and she smiled._

"_Thanks. You're a great friend, Adam."_

"_I know I am," he repeated with a wink, and she chuckled softly as she closed her eyes._

_End Flashback._

Within a few minutes, she had fallen asleep against him, and after resting her on the couch alone, he repositioned himself to the chair across from the couch. And that was where he sat now, watching her sleep and wondering what he could do to help her get out of this.

* * *

Stella had watched Mac leave the bar, frowning to herself. She had been surprised Hawkes could drag Mac out at all, but him leaving alone couldn't be a good thing. Danny sighed. "I'm worried about him," he announced to the group. Everyone snapped their attention to him, the one to verbalize what they were all thinking.

"He'll be fine," Stella said.

"Yeah, but…"

"He's mad at himself," Flack said. "Putting Joe away wasn't enough. He's still mad. When he gets over that, he'll be fine."

"I know, but still…" Danny sighed. "I've never seen him like this." Hawkes and Stella exchanged glances, both thinking relatively the same thing. The last time Mac had been this quiet had been around the time Claire died.

But this was different, Stella reminded herself. Mac wasn't depressed, that she knew of. Flack was right- he was pissed at himself for allowing himself to believe Joe's story. She knew Mac blamed himself for what happened, and the fact that Lauren was killed, even though he had nothing to do with that.

And you could bet he wouldn't be sleeping tonight.

Stella excused herself from their company, wishing them all a good night. They said their goodbyes to her, and she left, going off in search of where Mac had gone.

* * *

Positive.

She sank against the counter in her bathroom, her hands shaking. How could it be positive? There had to be some mistake. She had always been so careful…

But there was that one night she couldn't remember.

She should've known something was wrong when she woke up in the morning with no recollection of how she got home that night. Or, even still, what she had done that night. She remembered heading out to the club, but beyond that…

Lindsay swallowed hard, trying to subdue the lump in her throat at the possibilities. She should've gotten checked out after that night. Should've gone somewhere, said something to someone. But she didn't, and now…

Now she had to.

As reality washed over her, she felt the contents of her stomach rising through her chest. She tried hard to keep them down, but to no avail, as they ended up in her toilet. She shook hard as tears began to fall, thinking of what was going to happen now.

Positive.

* * *

His phone rang, causing him to jump. "Adam Ross," he answered, still watching Kendall sleeping.

"Hey buddy," Danny said. "What're you up to?"

"I'm about to go to bed," he lied.

"Get outta here. Don and I are going to shoot some pool at my place. Why don't you come over?"

"I can't, Danny."

"C'mon, Adam."

"Danny, I can't tonight. Maybe some other time, okay?" Adam sighed, slouching in the chair.

"You okay?" Danny asked, concern crackling through his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Adam lied again. Kendall had made it clear, no one but Adam was supposed to know about this. And Adam respected her wishes, even though he disagreed with them. He thought he should talk to Mac or Stella or one of the detectives, whichever one she chose. Adam couldn't do anything for her other than listen to her, and that wouldn't help her when this guy got more aggressive, as Adam was sure he would.

"Hey, Adam," Danny said loudly, jarring Adam from his thoughts.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm tired. You caught me as I was going to bed." Adam forced a yawn to emphasize his point, and Danny chuckled.

"Alright, I'm sorry. I'll let you go to bed, Princess." Adam snorted, and heard Flack chuckling in the background.

"Yeah, yeah," Adam grumbled. "Night, Danny."

"Night, Adam." They hung up, and Adam sighed painfully, looking at Kendall once again. She continued to sleep rather peacefully on his couch, and he frowned, thinking about her situation. What could he do?

* * *

Danny sighed, slouching against Flack's front seat. "So, Adam's going to bed?" Flack asked, glancing over at his passenger.

"Yeah, that's what he said," Danny replied thoughtfully.

"You don't believe him."

Shrugging, Danny said, "I don't know. Something sounded off."

"You wanna drop in and check on him?"

"Nah. If he needs something, he'll let us know."

"Yeah." The two of them fell silent, Danny watching the buildings out the window as a nervous tension settled deep within the pit of his stomach. Something was going on, and he couldn't tell what it was. But it was going to be big.


	3. That I Have Done and Said

A/N: I apologize for the slow updates... I have a lot going on right now. See first chapter for the disclaimer. As always, I hope you guys enjoy the story, and please review. :)

* * *

Chapter 2- That I Have Done and Said…

Danny watched as a very tired Adam slumped into his lab after running something to Mac. A few days had passed since the night Danny called Adam, and Danny's gut feeling remained. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly to try to rid himself of the feeling before walking into Adam's lab. "Hey Adam," he said, startling the younger man.

"Hey, Danny," Adam replied, looking up.

"How are ya?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure? You look tired."

"I was up late last night. That's all." Adam watched Danny start looking critically at him, and shook his head. "I was watching a movie with Kendall. That's it."

"Is that what you kids call it?" Danny joked. Adam shook his head.

"Whatever." Adam turned back to his work, effectively ignoring Danny.

"Look, Adam, I can tell something's bothering you. If you wanna talk, I'm here." Adam said nothing, only nodding in acknowledgement to Danny's words. Danny nodded, and turned to walk away.

"Hey, Danny?" Adam said quietly, not picking his head up as Danny reached the door. "Thanks."

"No problem, kid," Danny replied, opening the door and walking out of the lab. He closed the door behind him, watching Adam from behind the glass wall as the young man stuck his iPOD headphones into his ears. Adam hadn't done that at work in years- a sure sign that something was wrong. Danny sighed painfully as he turned away in time to catch a sad, somber Lindsay rushing past him. She looked sick, and Danny felt a twinge of worry peak in him. "Lindsay?" he asked.

"What, Danny," she asked, turning to him. Her words were calm, but rather depressed.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. I just… I need to talk to Mac is all." She turned around, walking quickly towards her destination once again, leaving Danny an even more worried man.

* * *

Mac sat in his chair, staring at the case files in front of him, but not really reading any of them. His mind kept yelling at him for a variety of things- being duped by Joe, getting kidnapped, being injured, and also not being able to focus at work. But every time he looked at a folder, he thought about how he almost ended up in one of these files, on the desk of some Jersey City CSI. He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face.

Stella was right. He needed a vacation.

The soft knock on his door jarred him from his thoughts, and he looked up to find a sad, timid Lindsay looking at him. "Hey, Mac, are you busy?" she said softly. He sighed, shaking his head.

"Nah, I got some time," he replied. "What's up?"

"I've got a bit of a situation," she said, walking in.

* * *

Stella sat at her own desk, quietly filling out paperwork when a knock interrupted her. She looked up to find Danny standing in her doorway. "Is it just me, or is there something going around?" he asked. She furrowed her brow.

"What do you mean?" she replied, gesturing for him to take a seat. He walked over, sitting down in one of the chairs.

"First, Mac. Then, Adam's been actin' weird lately. Now, something's up with Lindsay too." He leaned forward, closer to Stella's desk. "I'm concerned about them, Stella."

"Have you tried talking to them?"

"Adam won't say anything, and neither will Lindsay. And Mac never would say anything to me." Stella shrugged.

"I don't know what to tell you, Danny," she said. "I haven't heard anything. But they're all very strong people who've been through a lot in their lives. They'll be okay."

"I know," he said, sighing and sinking back in the chair. "But it doesn't make me any less worried." She chuckled.

"I wouldn't expect it to."

"Is there anything we can do for them?"

"Just be there when they're ready to talk. You of all people should know you can't force anyone to do anything." She watched him nod in agreement with her statement before continuing. "They'll turn to us when they need something."

"Yeah, I know you're right," Danny said. "But I can't just sit back, Stella."

"Sometimes, you have to," she reminded him.

"Yeah, I know." He looked out the glass wall, looking to where Hawkes was walking by, smiling to himself. At least someone was having a good day…

* * *

"Hey Adam," Hawkes said, popping in on the lab tech. Adam didn't react, typing on the computer. Hawkes put his hand gently on Adam's shoulder, and the latter jumped, yanking the headphones out of his ears. "Sorry," Hawkes said. Adam shook his head.

"It's alright," he said. "Here are your results." He handed Hawkes the sheet, putting one of the headphones back in his ear.

"Great." Hawkes looked over to see Adam turn back to his work, a somber expression on his face. "You okay?" he asked. Adam looked up.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, turning back to his work. "Just a little busy is all."

"Okay. I'll let you get back to it, then. Thanks, Adam."

"No problem, Doc." Hawkes walked out while Adam shoved the other headphone back in his ear, fumbling through papers that didn't mean anything to anyone. They weren't results or anything, just papers Adam kept in front of him to appear busy. He sighed, his thoughts reverting back to Kendall and her situation as he listened idly to the music pulsing through his head. How could he help her when she didn't want help?

* * *

Stella walked into Mac's office shortly after Lindsay left. His head was looking down, his hands covering his face. He rubbed his face gently, and she frowned. "You look like you got a lot on your plate," she said. He snorted softly.

"You could say that," he replied, sighing.

"Anything I can do?"

"Not really." He looked up, and she gave him a tight smile.

"I still say you need a vacation."

"I'm beginning to agree with you."

"Maybe you should take one," she offered. "Get on a plane and fly somewhere, or go drive somewhere. Take a week. You've got enough time saved up."

"Yeah, I know," he said with a sigh. "I don't know."

"It's affecting your work," she mentioned, gesturing at the scattered case files on the desk. He sighed, nodding slowly.

"Yeah, I know." He stood up, walking around his desk before sitting back against it and looking to the ground. She frowned, putting her hand on his shoulder. Mac never acted like this at work.

"Just think about it, Mac. Nothing says you need to decide now, okay?" He nodded quietly, and she gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze before continuing. "Just think about it. Maybe you could even just go visit with Reed."

"He called me," Mac informed her, looking up.

"Oh?" Stella asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Said he wanted to meet me for dinner some night."

"You should go."

"He could be looking for a story."

"Or he could be concerned as your stepson. Mac, Reed's a good kid. I'm sure he's worried about you. Besides, just tell him dinner's off the record." Mac smirked slightly, and Stella smiled. "You should go."

"Yeah, I might do that." He took a deep breath before giving Stella a more genuine smile. "Thanks, Stella."

"It's what we do," she said, shrugging. He nodded, still slightly smiling as she patted his shoulder again and left his office.


	4. And I Don't Know

A/N: Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate it! Here's a new chapter for you. Many thanks to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter. I very much appreciate it. :) See first chapter for the rather extensive disclaimer. This chapter contains character death, so this is your warning for that. I hope you guys enjoy this, and please review!

* * *

Chapter 3- And I Don't Know…

He grunted softly, a restless sleep washing over him while he lay on his couch. He had left work early after Mac caught him throwing up in the locker room and Hawkes evaluated him. Adam wasn't doing too well, with a fever to go with his nausea, and because Mac didn't want to get anyone else sick, he sent the young tech home.

So, Adam found himself restlessly napping on the couch in between trips to the bathroom for his stomach issues.

The phone rang loudly, and Adam jumped, quickly springing up to answer it. "Adam Ross," he breathed into the phone, trying to calm his racing heart so he wouldn't throw up again.

"Adam?" Kendall asked, her voice weak and scared. "Adam, I'm outside your apartment building." She coughed, a wet hacking cough, and Adam's eyes widened. "I need your help."

"Call 911, and I'll be down in a minute." He threw on his shirt, grabbing his keys quickly as he threw on some shoes and ran out the door. He sprinted down the stairs, almost falling down then, before appearing outside at Kendall's side.

In the mean time, Kendall had sat down on the ground, the phone on the ground next to her. Adam rushed out to find her bleeding from her abdomen, bruised in several places, and disheveled. "Adam," she choked out, coughing up blood. Adam's eyes went wide as he grabbed his cell phone.

"Just hang on, Kendall," he said, pulling her gently against him as he applied pressure to her abdomen. She groaned softly at the pain before coughing some more blood while he called 911. "This is Adam Ross of the NY Crime Lab, I have a criminalist down. I need EMS right away to 1334 East 65th. She's bleeding, and she's hurt, and she's coughing up blood." Adam tried to take a steadying breath, to calm himself down so he wouldn't make Kendall even more worked up. He hung up the phone, hugging her closer to him and putting more pressure on the wound. "Just stay with me, Kendall."

"Adam," she coughed, and he squeezed his eyes closed. His friend was dying on him, and he was helpless to do anything about it. "I'm sorry."

"Don't… just, don't. We're gonna look back on this moment one day and laugh," he said, a tear escaping his eye.

"I love you," she whispered, her voice fading. He held her closer, hoping against all hope that just by holding her, she'd last longer.

"Hang in there, Kendall," he said as she faded against him, her body becoming dead weight. Her blood stopped pulsing out over his hand, and he held two fingers to her carotid artery.

Nothing.

* * *

"So, how're you doing?" Mac asked, taking a bite of his dinner. Reed smirked.

"I'm doing well," he said. "How about you?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm sure you keep telling yourself that." Mac said nothing, taking another bite of his dinner while Reed sighed before continuing. "Look, Mac, I wanted to thank you. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here right now. I know I never said it, but thank you."

"Just doing my job."

"You stayed with me. You brought me home. That's a little beyond your job. And, I really appreciate it."

"Reed…"

"You're not my father. Yeah, we both have my mom in common, but you don't have to do anything for me. So, the fact that you do, I appreciate it. I really do. Sometimes I feel like you're more of my father than my real father."

"Reed…"

"I just wanted to say thanks for everything."

"Reed, I'm flattered. I really am. I…" Mac was cut off by his ringing phone, and Reed nodded, indicating Mac should answer it. "Taylor," he said, shrugging toward Reed.

"Boss?" Adam's tears rang through his voice, and Mac widened his eyes slightly.

"Adam?"

"Boss, I'm sorry. I tried, I-I tried so hard."

"Adam, what happened?" Mac's voice was calm, trying to soothe the young tech. Reed arched his eyebrows.

"I tried, but I failed." Adam sobbed into the phone, and Mac tried not to react to it as he listened.

"What do you mean, Adam?" Mac asked gently, trying to bring the news out of him. Reed frowned, watching Mac's expressions.

"I failed her, Mac. I-I-I failed her."

"Adam, where are you?"

"Out-outside m-my building."

"I'll be there soon, okay? Just hang on." He gave Reed an apologetic smile, and Reed shook his head.

"It's okay," Reed said softly as Mac stood up, dropping a couple bills on the table to cover their meals. Reed stood up as well, grabbing his sweatshirt.

"Adam, I've gotta let you go," Mac said. "I'll be there soon." He hung up and sighed. "I'm sorry, Reed."

"Is he okay?"

"I don't know."

* * *

Hawkes, Stella, and Danny were pouring over a case file when Flack walked in. "Dispatch just got a callout," he said, causing the three of them to look up. Upon seeing the serious look on Flack's face, Hawkes sighed.

"Where?" he asked.

"Adam's apartment building." The three of them dropped the file, grabbing their gear and leaving quickly.

* * *

Lindsay was sitting at home, staring at the wall, when the radio beside her crackled to life. "Attention all units," a dispatcher said. "Criminalist down, 1334 East 65th…" Lindsay jumped up, grabbing her sweatshirt. She knew it was Adam's residence, as she had been there a time or two. She grabbed her keys and left as quickly as she could, just to make sure he was okay.

* * *

Mac arrived on scene first, beating the uniforms. He jumped out of the car, finding Adam curled up in a little ball in the back of the ambulance. Flashing his badge, he made his way over to Adam. "Adam," he said softly. Adam didn't say anything, didn't react, but Mac could hear him crying. Mac put his hand gently on Adam's shoulder, and the younger man tensed briefly before relaxing slightly.

"I failed her," he said quietly. Mac remained quiet, just squeezing Adam's shoulder gently. A paramedic walked over to him.

"Victim's name is Kendall Novak," she said quietly to Mac. "She was gone by the time we arrived, so we called for the coroner. He was holding her when we got here."

"Thanks," Mac replied, matching her tone as the world began to show up.

"You got it." The paramedic made herself scarce as several officers began to secure the scene and tape it off.

"Adam," Mac said quietly as he leaned closer to the young man's head. Again, Adam didn't react. "Adam, I'm sorry."

"No," Adam said softly, looking up. Mac took note of the tears streaming down his employee's face and the scared, sad expression underneath them. "No, I-I'm so, so sorry, Mac. I-I-I never should've listened to her. I-I-I sh-should've told you before it g-got to this point. M-maybe if I had, sh-sh-she w-wouldn't be…" Adam lost himself to hysterics again, and Mac compulsively hugged him, frowning.

* * *

Stella, Flack, Hawkes, and Danny arrived next, finding Mac hugging Adam while the younger man remained balled up in the ambulance. Lindsay walked up behind them, her tired eyes filled with concern. "What's going on?" she asked. The four of them turned to her.

"We don't know," Stella said, shaking her head. "We just got here." Lindsay nodded, and the five of them made their way into the crime scene. They walked towards the steps where moments earlier, Adam had been trying to save Kendall's life. Now, her body lay on the sidewalk in a pool of her own blood, the only void coming from where Adam had been sitting. The five of them looked at one another, then looked back at the crime scene as pain registered in their hearts.

* * *

"Adam," Stella said a little while later, approaching the young man with a gentle touch. Mac looked up at her, still standing beside Adam. "Hon, we're gonna need your clothes, okay?"

"C-can I go upstairs and ch-change?" he asked quietly, still crying. His voice was heartbreaking, and both Mac and Stella took deep breaths to keep themselves from crying.

"Of course," she told him, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"I'll collect them," Mac said to Stella, who nodded. Adam said nothing, slowly uncurling himself to reveal his bloodstained clothes. He stood up onto the street, turning and heading toward the building. Mac gave Stella a sad smile before following Adam into the house with a pair of gloves, a plastic bag, and a paper bag. She frowned, feeling her heart break as she watched the two of them walk into the building.

Danny, Hawkes, and Lindsay looked up as the two of them passed. Flack continued to interview for witnesses, not finding much of anything other than Kendall just coming up to the building on the phone and Adam coming out to try to help her. Adam kept his head down, walking into the building and over to the elevator. Mac continued to follow him, walking into the elevator as the doors opened.

"I'm sorry," Adam said softly once the doors closed, scrubbing away the tears on his face.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," Mac told him, patting him on the shoulder.

"I should've told you."

"Told me what?"

"A few weeks ago, Kendall c-came to me," Adam sighed. "She told me she was being stalked by some guy… Doug, I-I think his name was. The guy wouldn't take the hint, and… and she… sh-she came to me, upset. She didn't know what to do. Sh-she wasn't afraid of him… she just wanted him to stop. I-I told her, sh-she should talk to y-you o-or Stella, you know? Get some protection or help or something. B-b-but sh-she didn't, and she didn't want me to, so I-I listened to her. But I-I told her she should talk to you guys b-because I… I couldn't help her. And I-I knew it would… it would end up like this." Adam shook his head, tears falling again as the doors opened on his floor. He walked out, heading toward his apartment with Mac in tow.

"You can't make a victim come forward, Adam," Mac said gently as Adam opened his door.

"But… I should've protected her. I-I-I should've done something other than nothing."

"This isn't your fault, Adam. This is on his head, not yours." Mac watched Adam shake his head as he disappeared into the bedroom. Mac followed him, donning the pair of gloves.

"Doesn't make me feel better."

"It never does," Mac said more to himself, sighing.

Adam sighed painfully, pulling out a pair of boxers, then pants and a shirt, before kicking off his shoes. He dropped the new clothes onto the bed before pulling his shirt over his head. He passed it to Mac, who put it in the bag. "I don't know," Adam said, pulling off his pants and handing those to Mac while the latter kept outside the door. "I-I just… I wish I could've done something." Adam pulled off his blood-crusted boxers, handing those to Mac too, who remained professional.

"I'm sure you did the best you could," Mac said, sealing up the bag and putting his gloves in a plastic bag.

"Doesn't feel like it." Adam walked out of his bedroom, plaid pants clinging to his hips while a white tank top covered his chest. His eyes were red-rimmed and sunken in, and his face matched. "I just…" Adam's voice trailed off as the young man sank down on his couch. "I wish there had been something I could've done. I-I… I watched her die, Mac." Tears began falling down his face, and Mac sat down next to him. "I-I watched her die, and I tried. I tried. And I failed. I failed." Adam broke into hysterical sobs, and Mac hugged him again, letting Adam cry on his shoulder. "I failed her."

"You didn't fail her, Adam," Mac said gently. "You did the best you could to help her. You respected her wishes."

"I shouldn't have."

Mac didn't know what to say, choosing instead to hug Adam tighter as the younger man cried even harder. He sighed softly, rubbing Adam on the back gently while contemplating what it was like to be in Adam's position.

He didn't like that idea.

* * *

Mac walked outside, holding the evidence bag containing Adam's clothes. He walked over to Stella and Flack, the only two still there. "Adam's clothes," he said, handing them to Stella.

"How is he?" she asked, concerned.

"He's…" Mac shook his head, and she frowned.

"Is he sleeping?"

"Yeah. Cried himself to sleep about five minutes ago." Both Stella and Flack frowned, and Mac sighed. "He blames himself for this. Mentioned something about Kendall having a stalker, Doug something."

"I'll look into it," Flack said gently. "It's the best lead we got right now."

"Hawkes went to her apartment to see what he could find," Stella said. "Danny and Lindsay headed back to the lab with some of the evidence."

"Good, good," Mac said. "You guys run with this."

"What about you?"

"I'm gonna stay here."

Stella nodded, watching Mac react to everything going on. It was almost like he wanted to run and hide, but at the same time, he put aside all his personal feelings against Joe for his young employee. She patted him on the shoulder, taking the evidence from him and packing it in the car. He disappeared back into the building, and Flack turned to Stella.

"He cares a lot about that kid, huh?" he asked. She nodded.

"He sees something in him," she replied, looking at Flack. "Adam had a rough childhood, and Mac sees that every time Adam tries to talk to him."

"Yeah. I just hope the kid's gonna be alright."

"Me too," she said wistfully, thinking about her feelings for the young tech. He was a sweet kid, someone she cared deeply for, and had for a while. She made friends with him when he first showed up, and found that sometimes, she had to defend him to Mac. But, Adam was a great kid, and she really wanted to be there for him in any way she could. In any way he needed.

Because that's how much she cared for him.


	5. If It'll Ever Be Okay

A/N: I'm so sorry for the long delay between updates... my computer died, and I had to get a new one. However, I'm back up and running (for the most part) again. So, without further ado, I give you the next chapter. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you enjoy, and please review! :)

*~*~*~*

Chapter 4- If It'll Ever be Okay…

Adam walked into the lab, sinking onto the stool harshly. He felt the eyes of the other lab techs upon him, and he sighed painfully. He wanted to disappear, go on vacation, be anywhere but there, but he had a job to do. If for nothing else, he had to continue on for Kendall.

Stella walked into his lab, walking over to him. "Hey," she said gently.

"Hi," he said quietly, looking at the bench. As much as he wanted to be mean, he couldn't, because it was Stella. There was just something about her…

"How are you holding up?" Her voice was caring, but not sympathetic, and Adam liked that.

"I'm… I'm not," he admitted softly, looking up to her. She frowned, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"N-not right now." His voice was hesitant, and she nodded. He looked down again, sighing deeply, and she hugged him gently. He turned, hugging her tightly and burying his face against her shoulder. She rubbed his back gently before he pulled away as suddenly as he had embraced her.

"If you need anything, let me know," she told him.

"I will," he replied softly, turning back to the bench. She rubbed his back softly before turning and leaving. She fought the urge to run back and kiss him, to hold him and tell him everything would be alright and that she'd make everything better. She sighed, walking to her office to work on Kendall's case.

Adam looked up as she left, frowning to himself. He didn't want her to go, but both of them had work to do. It wasn't just that she was comforting. There was always something more, something that made him want her to stay. He sighed, turning back to his work to get things done.

*~*~*~*

"How's he doing?" Mac asked, walking up behind Stella. She jumped, turning from her hiding spot around the corner where she was watching Adam to face Mac.

"Not well," she told him softly. Mac nodded, saying nothing. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"Hanging in there." She watched Mac nod again, looking off to where Adam was attempting to work. "You didn't tell him not to come in?"

"I tried."

"You could've made him."

"I'd rather keep my eye on him."

"Fair enough," she said with a shrug. He patted her on the shoulder, turning and walking away. She watched him briefly before turning around to watch Adam again.

*~*~*~*

She sat in the clinic, curling her knees into her chest. Tears stung at her eyes, and she tried to listen to the doctor's words and advice on course of treatment. But the words were lost on her as the news of her diagnosis sank in.

The pain she'd been feeling for weeks, the nausea, the vomiting, and the weight loss all finally had one explanation. One that she hoped she'd live with, but being only 25, it was hard to even think that right now.

She swallowed the lump growing in her throat, closing her eyes and sniffling. Fear and anxiety coursed through her veins, and she prayed that she was strong enough to get through this. But only one thought kept popping into her head.

Samantha Flack thought she was going to die.

*~*~*~*

Lindsay sighed, sitting at her desk and attempting work on some paperwork. Her mind kept reverting back to the night of doom, as she called it, and her current predicament. She was on modified assignment, which everyone in the lab knew, but only her and Mac knew why. And that was the way she wanted to keep it.

"Hey Montana," Danny said, poking his head in. She looked over at him.

"What's up?" she asked gently. She was working hard to keep her emotions in check so as to not worry anyone.

"Do you have the file on the Jackson case?" He watched her look around her desk before producing a file and handing it to him. "Thanks."

"How's it going on Kendall's case?"

"Flack hauled in the guy in, got him to break in interrogation. Hawkes and Stella are working to prove it 100%, though."

"Yeah."

"The guy was stalking her."

"Why didn't she just tell us? Or tell someone?"

"I don't know," Danny said with a shrug. Lindsay shook her head.

"It's sad."

"Yeah, it is."

*~*~*~*

Stella walked into Mac's office, sighing. "We've got him," she said unceremoniously. Mac nodded, understanding what her reaction meant.

"First degree murder," he said.

"Why didn't she tell us, Mac?"

"I don't know."

"We could've helped her. Why did she want to do this alone?"

"I don't know," Mac repeated, thinking about what Adam had told him.

"I wish she would've told us."

"Me too." He sighed, and she sank into the couch across from his desk. "After the funeral, I'm taking a vacation," he announced, looking at her. She bit the corner of her lip, nodding.

"For how long?" she asked.

"A week."

"Where are you going?"

He shrugged, indicating he wasn't going to tell her. She nodded, thinking she had a good idea where he would end up.

"Best of luck."

"You'll be in charge while I'm gone."

"I can handle it."

"I know you can," he said softly. "I'm just letting you know."

"Thanks for the heads up," she said. She stood up, and he followed suit. Much as they had in her apartment after the fire, they embraced one another. But this time, it was Stella trying to make Mac feel better, not the other way around. With a sigh, he let go, and her hand paused to rub his back gently. "Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I will," he promised her, and she turned and walked out.

*~*~*~*

"You wanted to see me?"

Hours after Stella left his office, Mac looked up to find Adam standing there. "Yeah, come in," he said. "Take a seat."

Adam cautiously did what he was told, afraid of why Mac had invited him into his office. Mac moved from behind his desk to sit across from Adam. "Am I in trouble?" Adam asked suddenly. Mac smiled slightly.

"No. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Oh," Adam sighed. "I… uh… I'm-I'm hanging in there." He hung his head, taking a deep breath and exhaling. "It's just hard. I miss her already, and I-I feel like I failed her, and I keep hearing everyone asking wh-why she didn't tell anyone, and I know she told me, and I didn't do anything. I-I-I don't know how much I really c-could've done, but I should've done something. And she's dead."

Neither person in the room really knew why Adam was bearing his soul to Mac. Mac figured it was because he was someone Adam trusted, so Adam would talk to him. Adam figured it was because Mac intimidated him, and try as he might, Adam couldn't get past it. So with Mac sitting there and staying with him, he felt like he _had_ to say something. Which meant, in this case, bearing his soul.

"Adam, I'm sorry," Mac said gently. "But this is not your fault, okay? You did what she asked you to, and no one can fault you for that. Victims of stalking, they feel like their lives get out of control. By letting her make the choice, you let her have that control back."

"But it was a bad choice," Adam commented, and Mac sighed.

"It wasn't her best decision, but it was her decision. You did what you could for her, gave her a place to hide out, and that's what's important." Mac watched Adam nod sullenly, his eyes still looking toward his lap. Adam looked so pained and lost that Mac felt even worse about Kendall's death than he already did. He didn't like losing an employee like this. No one did. But they had to continue on.

Mac's only fear was that Adam wouldn't.


	6. To Show My Face Around Here

A/N: I figured I'd update while I have the chance... haha. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. As always, I hope you enjoy, and please review! :)

* * *

Chapter 5- To Show My Face Around Here…

Adam sat in the diner alone, his head bowed as he picked at his lunch. He heard the heels clicking behind him, and inwardly he smiled. Outwardly, though, he didn't react. "Hey," she said softly, sitting down beside him.

"Hi," he replied, turning up the corner of his lip but still keeping his focus on his breakfast.

"How're you holding up?"

"I'm hanging in there. You?"

"I'm doing okay." She put her hand on his shoulder, and he sighed.

"It gets easier, right?"

"Yeah, it does." She watched him nod with sad eyes, and he sighed.

"Wanna stay?"

"Sure. Thanks."

"You're welcome." He looked up quickly and smiled lightly as the waitress came over. She refilled Adam's coffee, took Stella's order, and walked away.

"Nice place," Stella said softly, and Adam nodded.

"Yeah, I like it," he replied quietly. She frowned, wanting so badly just to hold him until the world stopped sucking. Of course, that meant that she'd have to hold him forever, but she didn't mind that either.

"It was a nice service."

"Yeah, it was."

"You didn't want to go back to her place, though?" She watched his head dip lower than he had been holding it when she came to his table and his face scrunch.

"I couldn't," he said, his voice barely a whisper. She frowned again, nodding and putting her right hand over his left, which sat on his napkin. "I just… I-I couldn't."

"I understand."

"Did you follow me?"

"Not exactly," she said. "I noticed you weren't there, and Danny said you might be here."

"Yeah," he said quietly. Her heart broke further for the scientist before her, and she gave his hand a squeeze.

"I want you to know, Adam, that I'm here for you. Any time, day or night. Okay?"

"Okay," he sighed. She squeezed his hand again, and he gave the gentlest of squeezes back. Not much, but enough to say that it happened. She smiled slightly as he breathed, "Thanks, Stella."

"No problem, Adam." Their hands stayed joined as the waitress came back to the table with Stella's drink. They hit a lull in the conversation for a little while, still holding hands while Adam picked at his lunch.

"C-can we get a drink after this?" Adam asked timidly after the waitress brought over Stella's food.

"Sure," Stella replied. He picked his head up for the second time since Stella had come in, taking a moment to look in her direction. Stella deduced that he was trying to make sure she was on the level, and she gave him the most sincere look she could. He nodded, turning back to his food.

"D-do you…" he started, his voice fading as his face flushed red. She knit her brow together quickly before realizing what he was asking.

"No," she replied, squeezing his hand gently and picking up her fork with her left hand. His blush remained as he smiled slightly, which Stella counted as a private victory. The two of them continued to eat, the conversation lapsing while they did.

*~*~*~*

He walked up beside her, the only two still left hours after the end of the service, as she stood in Kendall's apartment, looking at a photo display. He put his hand gently on her shoulder, and she turned to him. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hi," she replied.

"How're you holding up?"

"I still can't believe it."

"Yeah, me too." Danny shifted his weight, and Lindsay sighed, looking down. "It was a nice service, though," he said.

"Yeah, it was," she replied softly. She looked up at him, noticing a deep concern burning in them. She wrapped her arms around him suddenly, crying against him. She couldn't help herself lately, couldn't stop herself from breaking down.

He hugged her tightly, rubbing small circles into her back. He noticed lately she'd been quick to jump to emotions, but this was expected to him, given where they were. What wasn't expected was what came next.

"Can we talk?" she asked. "I just… I really need to talk."

"Okay," he replied. She pulled away slightly, inhaling deeply and preparing to speak.

"I wanna be honest with you, because I've seen enough in my life about what not speaking up can do. And I don't want that to happen. Danny… I made a mistake…"

*~*~*~*

The knock on her office door jarred her from her thoughts, causing her to jump slightly. "Come in," she called to the closed door. Quietly, the door creaked open, and Mac walked in. "Mac? What in the world?"

He walked in further, saying nothing and dropping his bag onto the floor. He walked around her desk as she stood up, taking her into his arms and holding her tightly. "I needed to get away," he said softly. She sighed, hugging him tightly.

"I heard about the hostage situation and Kendall's death from Sheldon. I'm so sorry, Mac."

"I know I'm not one to say what I feel, or take vacations when the going gets rough."

"Everyone has their breaking points, Mac. Even you. You don't need to explain."

"There's more." He sat down in a chair on the other side of her desk with a sigh, dropping his head down. He fell silent as Peyton watched him expectantly. He shook his head. "I never should've left."

"Mac, I know you. You like to be the strong man for your team. But, I have to be honest with you. I don't think I've ever seen you like this. Perhaps it's better that you take the break, get your own head around everything, and then go back."

"I don't know."

"You came out here for a reason. Knowing you, you thought this over for a while before doing it. Mac, something brought you here."

"Yeah, you're right," he said with a sigh.

"What else is going on?" she prodded gently.

"How have you been? I haven't really heard from you since your letter."

She shook her head. Just like Mac to avoid the situation. "I've been well, thank you."

"I see you're engaged?" he asked.

"Yes, I am," she said hesitantly.

"Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"He's a lucky man." He watched her smile tightly and nod, and he smiled. "I'm happy for you, Peyton. I really am."

"Thanks, Mac." She sat down in the chair next to his, and took his hand gently. "Aside from the aforementioned, how are things in New York?"

"They're going," he said, meeting her eyes.

"Are you seeing someone?" she asked, hoping to make the mood lighter.

"Not at the moment."

"How's the team?"

"Flack, Danny, and Stella are doing just fine. I know you still talk to Hawkes regularly, so you know he's doing well. Lindsay's in a bit of a predicament right now, and Adam's pretty beat up about Kendall's death."

"The poor thing," Peyton said with a frown. "Send him my best, will you?"

"Of course."

"What's going on with Lindsay? Is she okay?"

"She's pregnant."

Peyton was taken aback by the news, arching her eyebrows. "Oh, my," she said softly. "Danny's?"

"No." He looked up to take in the shocked look on Peyton's face as she covered her mouth.

"Isn't she seeing him?"

"Not anymore. They broke up earlier this year."

"So, is she seeing someone new?"

"No."

"Oh," Peyton said, folding her hands in her lap. "Was she…"

"Taken advantage of while intoxicated," Mac explained softly.

"So, essentially yes, then."

"Yeah," he sighed. She frowned, taking his hand in hers.

"I'm sorry, Mac." She watched him nod, and she squeezed his hand gently.

He looked down at their joined hands, thinking about what used to be between them and what never could be again. That thought didn't make him feel sad, though. Didn't really make him feel anything. He truly was happy for her, having gotten over the pain of her leaving last year. He was happy she was getting married, that she was going to have a great life in London.

He just wished things would settle down in New York.


	7. Sometimes I Wonder

A/N: I'm sorry to take so long between updates... I've been really busy, coupled with being stricken with Writer's Block. I wholeheartedly apologize. See the first chapter for the disclaimer and warnings. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and please review. :)

* * *

Chapter 6: Sometimes I wonder…

She found herself taking a second taste of breakfast, something that had been happening with increasing frequency lately. She knew it was due to the medications, but she didn't know how much longer she could deal with this. The medicine they gave her to combat the nausea wasn't working.

_Clearly,_ she thought bitterly as she retched. She sat back against the bathtub, willing her stomach to settle out again. She had to go to work tonight, while she still had the strength to do so.

She didn't want to think about what would happen when she didn't.

Sam finally managed to stand up as her stomach came to rest. She flushed away her problems before brushing her teeth rather vigorously. She wanted the taste out of her mouth. She closed her eyes once she finished, sinking against the wall. She didn't think she'd be able to do this much longer.

Then Sam would really be in trouble.

*~*~*~*

She curled up around him, fear coursing through her veins. This was real, he was really there, but she was scared for her future. She was pregnant with someone else's child, someone she didn't know, and she couldn't help but be scared.

Danny supported whatever decision she came up with. She knew probably everyone in the lab would support her in any way they could. But Danny was good about taking care of her and making sure she felt okay. And making sure she followed a good prenatal course if she planned to have the baby.

Lindsay sighed, burying her head into the crook of Danny's neck. She had turned to him as a friend, nothing more. That chapter of their lives had closed, and neither of them wanted to go back. Last she heard, he may or may not have someone else. And clearly she had moved on.

He had come over, though, because she was having a bad night. She really needed a friend, and so far, the only people that knew were Danny and Mac. Mac wasn't someone she'd call over in the middle of the night to comfort her and make her feel better, but Danny still was.

She sighed, slowly untangling herself from him to get up. He made a quiet noise, and she smiled softly. Danny always was a cute sleeper. She made her way down the hall, needing a glass of water before attempting sleep again. She sniffled softly, pouring herself a glass and drinking it over the sink.

Then she'd go back to bed and try again.

*~*~*~*

He sat in the office, flipping the letter over and over in his hand. It was something that didn't make sense to him. He'd been out of the hospital for many years, so why now? Why was he being sued now?

Malpractice for something that happened over a decade ago. How could he still be held responsible? The patient had changed a lot since then, and her death was not his fault. She had a few surgeries since then, and any and all of those surgeons were just as responsible as he was.

Probably more so.

But he figured that they saw that he was out of the hospital, and that made him a better target. It was easier to say he did something wrong, since he left the practice of medicine. Especially now that he was a detective and not even using his medical degree.

He would probably win this suit. He hadn't done anything wrong. Everything was well documented according to the agency protocol, and they hadn't done anything against procedure. She had a documented complication that didn't stem from him. He was young, but he didn't mess up. This wasn't his fault.

But why couldn't Sheldon Hawkes stop thinking it was?

*~*~*~*

He walked through the hallways, seeing his team back at work. He felt refreshed, he had to admit. The trip had done him some good. He walked into his office and found Adam's request for time off, approved by Stella. Mac frowned softly. He knew the kid needed it.

And he felt guilty for abandoning him.

Today was naturally Stella's day off, which was why she left things on his desk that he needed to know. She mentioned that he could call her if he needed anything, but he hoped he wouldn't.

He knew where she would be.

Mac left his stuff on his desk, walking around the lab. Lindsay was at her desk, and he figured Danny and Hawkes were out in the field. Flack was probably somewhere with them, and with Kendall dead, there was a new lab tech coming in. Especially now that Adam had requested time off.

Until another case came in, though, Mac decided he would help out in the lab. They were shorthanded, and with Lindsay being pregnant, she was unable to work around the chemicals. So, despite his high ranking, he was running tests for several cases, trying to help others get the facts together. It also gave him a chance to catch up on some paperwork and look into a few of the cold cases on his desk, looking for something new.

He was hoping everything would be okay.

*~*~*~*

The knock on his door woke him out of his trance, and he stood up. He made his way to the door to find her standing there, holding bags of food. "I figured I'd bring you breakfast," she said sweetly. He smiled lightly, stepping back and letting her in. She followed him over to the table, putting down the food before stepping over and hugging him. He sighed, squeezing her gently. "How're you holding up?" she whispered in his ear.

"I'm trying," he replied, letting go. She frowned, rubbing his back gently.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too," he said quietly, sitting down at the table across from her. The two of them ate quietly, neither one really having much to say. The subtle glances from her made him nervous, but in a good way. They were trusting… almost loving.

He shook that thought out of his head before hoping she didn't notice. He didn't want another one of his masterful quirks to be shown so that he looked like a freak. Because he didn't want to look like a freak in front of her. She was perfect.

She had noticed him shaking his head, but chose not to say anything. From the look on his face, he was deep in thought, and it wasn't necessarily something that was pleasant. "Are you okay?" she asked softly as they finished breakfast. He jumped slightly, looking up.

"Uh…" he began, thinking. "I… uh… I don't think I'll ever be okay."

She frowned, studying his face. "What makes you say that?"

He didn't answer, choosing instead to start cleaning up the table. Stella moved to help him, but he stopped her. "You brought breakfast, so the least I can do is clean up," he said softly, ignoring the question for the moment. After cleaning up, the two of them moved to the couch in the living room, sitting down facing each other. Adam sighed softly, and Stella watched him carefully. "How could I be?" he asked.

She furrowed her brow. "How could you be what?" she asked, having forgotten her previous question.

"How could I be okay again? I… I watched my best friend die. I-I held her as she died. And I c-couldn't do anything to help her. C-couldn't save her. How am I supposed to be okay again?"

"You just learn it."

"How?"

"You get up in the morning, go to work, live your life, come home, go to bed, and repeat everything until it becomes true."

"Fake it until you make it," he said dismally. She nodded quietly, giving him a sympathetic look. "What if you can't do that?"

"You take some time, like you're doing, to get yourself together."

He sighed deeply, nodding and dropping his gaze to the couch. Both of them were quiet for the moment, before he said, "I can't sleep. I can't… every time I close my eyes, I see her… and I see her dying… and…" Tears stung at his eyes and voice, threatening to overwhelm him and cut him off. "I can't do anything about it. I can't save her. I couldn't save her. I… I held her as she… she died." Adam lost his composure, and Stella hugged him tightly. He buried his head against her shoulder, crying hard as she rubbed his back tenderly.

He had finally let go of his emotions, something that, she had to admit, she didn't see him doing. Especially not with her. As he clung to her, crying on her shoulder, she whispered soothing things to the younger man. He was hurt, scared, and dealing with something that she wouldn't know how to help. But she cared deeply for him, so here she was, trying her best to comfort him.

He hugged her tightly, needing to feel her warmth. Needing to feel something other than the hurt and despair. She was an amazing woman, someone he had admired from afar, someone who'd saved his butt at times. And now, he felt comfortable with her, which was the most important thing. Something was going on, and no one yet knew. Maybe not even the two of them.

She kissed him gently on the temple as his crying began again. He couldn't help it. Every time he thought of anything with love, he cried over losing his best friend. After a moment, he lifted his head off her shoulder. "I wish I was strong like you," he whispered, tears streaming down his face. She shook her head.

"It isn't strength," she told him. "It's never letting anyone see you break down." He fell silent, thinking about her words as she gently wiped away his tears. He sniffled, swallowing back his nerves as he went for it.

He leaned forward, timidly, and almost desperately, capturing her lips with his. He felt shock register in her as he kissed her, but she didn't pull away, much to his delight. He wasn't ready to make things bolder, and neither was she, so the simple kiss remained until he pulled away gently, out of embarrassment at what he'd done. She smirked slightly at him as he flushed red.

"I just... I..." he stuttered, trying to find words to describe what had happened.

"Don't worry about it," she said softly, stroking his arm. "It's not a bad thing."

"No. No... it... it was good... and I... and..."

"I know. And, you can always do it again." She winked, and he smiled slightly, giving her a gentle kiss before wrapping his arms around her tightly. The two of them fell silent as the day lingered on.


	8. If I Disappeared

A/N: I'm sorry for the slow updates... school is starting again and it's also getting in the way. I apologize profusely. This chapter deals with some darker subject matter as part of Lindsay's story comes into light, so reader discretion is advised. Nothing is explicitly said, but just know that things are starting to unravel. (I'm overly cautious.) As previously, see the first chapter for the disclaimer. And, as always, I hope you enjoy, and please review. :)

* * *

Chapter 7: If I Disappeared…

His hands scrubbed over his face as he sat in the boardroom. Initial meetings in these situations always sucked. His lawyer poised beside him, Sheldon Hawkes was ready for a fight.

Not that Hawkes had done anything wrong.

The family of the deceased sat across the table from Hawkes and his lawyer, pained expressions evident on their features. He could only imagine what they were going through. What it must be like to lose a loved one. And to think that medicine, the thing that was supposed to keep you alive, had screwed up somewhere along the way and instead was the thing that killed you.

That had to be rough.

That was part of the reason Hawkes got out of that world. He found out rather quickly that he didn't want to be standing over someone when they took their last breath. It was hard explaining to families that sometimes, surgery isn't the cure-all, and carries risks. Some people just don't understand that. And when someone dies on the table, it's the surgeon's fault, even if the surgeon knew that it was a risky case.

Hence why he was here.

He supposed he could have done something to deserve this suit. Some complications take time to do serious damage, and he supposed that he and the rest of the team could've botched things a lot worse than they had thought.

Or it could be people out to ruin his reputation.

Either way, Hawkes found himself growing nervous as the court-appointed mediator sat down. His heart rate increased slightly as his palms glazed over in a minute layer of sweat. He felt slightly nauseous and lightheaded all the same. He took a deep breath and looked over at his lawyer. One thought popped into his head just before the proceedings had begun.

_I wish I would've told Mac about this…_

*~*~*~*

She silently typed up the report for Stella, having nothing better to do on her modified assignment. Lindsay found that she was growing rather bored of staring at computer screens and running information back and forth between people, but it wasn't like she had another choice.

She was pregnant.

She couldn't work with the chemicals. She couldn't be out there on the street. The only thing she could do was type people's reports and run things for people. It got lonely with everyone out on the streets, putting the pieces together and solving crimes.

Mac walked into her office, sitting down across from her desk. "Hey," he said. She looked curiously at him, not knowing him to actually sit down across from someone's desk. Whatever he needed must actually be important.

"Hi," she said, smiling. "What's going on?"

"I was wondering if you're busy right now."

She shook her head as she typed the last line. "Just finished typing Stella's report for her. What do you need?"

"I need you to come to A/V and help me out for a minute."

"Okay." She printed the report, putting it in the folder on Stella's desk before following Mac out the door. Up on the screen was the image of a man she didn't quite recognize. "What case is this?"

"Not an official one," Mac said. Her curiosity piqued even more. "And one we don't have to continue any further than here."

"What are you talking about?" Lindsay asked both cautiously and curiously. Mac was up to something, and she wasn't sure she was going to like it. He pulled out the chair for her to sit down in, and she obliged.

"I did some checking into things," he began. "I figured out when your likely timeframe of conception was, and went to that club to get the surveillance video. Turns out NYPD already had it from another case that night, so I looked into it. This guy…" Mac pointed at the monitor, and her eyes immediately followed. "He was with you most of the night…"

Mac's voice became a distant soundtrack as her mind reverted to the pulsing beats of that night. _The man from the video stood before her, his body so close that she could feel his warmth. He had his arm around her waist as he whispered in her ear, her arm tucked around him. The music changed, the beat pulsed harder, and their bodies bumped and swayed together, heating up the air between them. Things began swirling together, blurring around the edges. Her words were slurred, her head spinning, and she needed air before she hurled. She broke free from the club beats, free from the hot, sticky air of the dance floor. But not free from him._

_He offered to take her home. She thought he was nice, and she was really dizzy. She wouldn't make it far on her own. Where was her cell phone? Her keys? She knew she didn't drive to the club. Where was her friend? Where was anyone? It was just her and the man she'd been dancing with all night…_

_Where were they going again?_

*~*~*~*

Mac noticed the faraway look in Lindsay's eyes, and said nothing, just letting her think and process. He figured it was something she had been blocking herself from doing, as many victims learn to do. She wasn't recognizing what had happened to her, and he couldn't say that he blamed her.

He didn't think about what had really happened, either. He knew that in addition to himself and Lindsay, Danny also knew about the situation. And he knew that all three of them were hesitant to label it for what it was.

She was raped.

Tears fell from her eyes as he watched her snap herself back into consciousness. He stood where he was, waiting for her to make the first move. She stood up, immediately rushing out of the room, and he was half tempted to leave it be, knowing that he pushed her this far.

But he couldn't do that.

Instead, he turned off the monitor before rushing after her. The last thing he wanted was people asking the two of them what was going on and upsetting her further. He followed her into the locker room, finding her sitting on the floor with her back against her locker. He sat down next to her while still giving her a little space.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. She shook her head, sniffling.

"It's not your fault," she replied, before giving a half-bitter chuckle. "When you sat down in my office, I knew something was up."

He sighed, not sure what to say. "I just… I thought it might help."

*~*~*~*

She looked over at Mac, who was sitting on the floor and staring at the lockers across from him. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen Mac sit on the floor, and she'd sure as never seen him look any form of sad. Yet, here he was, looking somewhat… sad. Sympathetic, maybe that was a better term for it. She tucked her leg underneath her before sliding a little closer to Mac.

*~*~*~*

"I understand what you're trying to do."

He looked over at her, finding that she had moved a little closer. He gave her a sad smile as she sighed.

"I just don't know what I'm doing," she explained.

He nodded, looking at her worried features. "You're not alone in this, Lindsay," he told her. "You have me. You have Danny."

"Yeah, I know, Mac. But still… it's not any easier. I'm almost three months pregnant. I'm going to be raising a child… responsible for someone else… and I'm scared. I-I can't even take care of myself. I can't even… I couldn't even…" Tears choked off her voice, and Mac reached his hand over to her. She took it gratefully as she started to cry again. "How am I going to protect my kid from getting hurt, when I couldn't even do that for myself?"

*~*~*~*

He sat at his desk as the day wound down, the sun gone from the sky hours ago. There was no sense in rushing, though, when there was nothing else to do. Danny had other plans for the night, Stella was checking in on Adam, and no one really knew what Mac, Hawkes, and Lindsay were up to these days.

So the case files that would normally sit on his desk to be dealt with tomorrow were splayed across the work surface.

He was engrossed in the details of a robbery case that when his phone rang, he jumped nearly across the room. He quickly composed himself as he snatched up the phone. "Detective Flack," he answered professionally, when all he wanted to do was curse out the person on the other end for disrupting his peace.

"Detective, this is Pete Lemmings," the man on the other end said. "I'm your sister, Sam's boss. I was wondering if you'd heard from her."

"No, I haven't." Flack was annoyed. The last thing he wanted to hear from the person that was responsible for his wrecked underwear was that they were looking for his sister. "Why?"

"She never came into work. Look, Detective, this isn't like her. She didn't come in, and she didn't call. She's not answering her numbers."

"I'll see what I can do," Flack said with a sigh. Half of the sigh was from annoyance, sure that his sister was holed up in some apartment somewhere doing something she shouldn't be. But the other half was worried like hell that something was really wrong. "Can I have a number I can call you back at? I'll let you know whatever I find out when I have something."

"Sure."

Flack scribbled down the number Pete gave him, vowing again to call him when he found something. He hung up the phone, staring at the number he just took down for a moment. Was something really wrong with Sam this time, or was it the same old shit it'd always been?

His gut told him this wasn't a drill.

His phone rang again, and he jumped… again. He glanced around the rather empty room to make sure no one saw that before he picked up the phone again. "Detective Flack," he said into the phone.

"Is this Donald Flack Jr.?" a woman asked. He rolled his eyes out of annoyance as a pang of fear struck in his stomach.

"Yes, it is. Who's this?"

"Sir, I'm Dr. Deborah Carlson. I'm a physician at Trinity General. I need you to come down here."

"Why? What's going on?" The fear swelled into his chest, and Flack felt like in a few more minutes, he wouldn't be able to breathe.

"Your sister, Samantha, is here, and you're her medical proxy. We need your help making decisions for her."

"Is she okay?"

"She's rather sick. We need you to come down here."

"I'll be there soon," he muttered as he hung up the phone. _Rather sick_, he thought to himself. _What the hell does that mean?_


	9. Would You Ever

A/N: Again, I'm very sorry for slow updates. Unfortunately, I've been really busy with everything with school and work, including family fun. Anyway, see the first chapter for the disclaimer. As always, enjoy, and please review. :)

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Chapter 8: Would You Ever…

Sleep was hard to come by tonight, so he lay on his back, staring at his ceiling. He heard her softly sleeping beside him, and a small smile curled onto his lips. She was even more attractive when she was sleeping, peace and innocence shining on her life-hardened features. There was something about watching her sleep that made him feel warm.

Until he thought about his currently miserable existence.

How could he afford himself happiness when he had failed? What made him deserve to continue on when Kendall couldn't? No matter how many times he heard otherwise, Kendall was still dead because he didn't come forward and say something.

They could've done more covert types of surveillance. Kept an eye on this guy. Kept him away from her. And if he got too close, nab him. She never would've known, and if she did, she would've gotten over it. At least she'd be alive today.

But here it was, seven weeks later, and she was definitely not coming back. And, as of yet, he still wasn't moving on, despite appearances to the contrary.

He still couldn't sleep well, but at least now instead of waking up screaming almost every hour on the hour, he was waking up only two or three times. Sleep was coming a little easier to him on some nights, and he wasn't waking up as exhausted.

He had gotten into the routine of making himself eat something at least three times a day. Once when he got up, and once or twice in the lab, depending on how late he was working. And he was back at work, after taking some time off to get his head on straight. Well, to get his head back into things a little more. He never had been completely sane in the first place.

He half-sighed and half-yawned as he rolled onto his side, facing her sleeping form. He gently and expertly snaked his arms around her waist without waking her up, a skill he had learned from many other nights like this. Of course, Stella wasn't exactly the lightest of sleepers, but Adam had also learned at an earlier age how to receive comfort from someone without actually waking them up.

He felt her snuggle closer to his warmth, and he smiled softly. She really was perfect, and he sighed again. He didn't deserve her. He had let Kendall get killed. Regardless of the man being in prison, Kendall was dead because Adam had kept his mouth shut and let it get to that point.

_What an idiot_, he mentally chastised himself for the billionth time. He shook his head. It might not be fair to him, all of the things he was thinking, but that wasn't going to stop him from thinking them.

The first tear slid out from his closed eyelids, wobbling down his face into the pillow. It was followed quickly by several more, his tears coming at the notion of everything being his fault. It was always his fault. Since day one, he had been a screw up.

Only now, it had cost Kendall, his best friend and closest confidante, her life.

He hadn't noticed that Stella had woken up as the tears continued to fall. As she stirred quietly, he started to pull away from her, not wanting her to notice him crying. He realized his movements were futile as she reached up and brushed away his tears. "Talk to me," she said softly.

And it was the only thing she needed to say.

*~*~*~*

Lindsay had been worn out after their heart-to-heart, so after she fell asleep against him on his couch, Danny had moved her into his bedroom with the dog. She would be a lot more comfortable there anyway. He was lying on his side on the couch, watching TV as his phone rang. "Messer," he answered absently, fully engrossed in the episode of Dirty Jobs he was watching.

"Danny?" Flack said. Danny bolted upright at the nervous tone in Flack's voice. Nothing ever rattled Don.

"Don? You okay?"

"Uh… I, uh, I think I could use a friend here, Danno."

Don Flack admitting he needed a friend was as good as saying that he was fucked. Danny nodded, reasoning that Lindsay would probably sleep through the night in his bed as she had been exhausted before they got into deeper, more exhausting conversation.

"I'll be there in a minute, Don. Just tell me where you are."

"Trinity's waiting room."

Danny heard Flack sigh heavily, and he bit his lip. Something was definitely seriously wrong with this picture, and not just because Flack was in the waiting room of a hospital. "ER waiting room, or another one?"

"I'll, uh, I'll just meet you outside the main entrance."

"Okay. I'll be there soon. Hang in there."

"Yeah."

They hung up, and Danny quickly wrote Lindsay a note, apologizing for rushing away in the middle of the night and promising to see her tomorrow. He left it on the table next to her purse before stumbling through the apartment to find his shoes, coat, helmet, and keys. Finally, he proceeded out the door and hoped to God that Flack was okay.

*~*~*~*

He swallowed the last mouthful of his beer, sighing deeply afterward. He signaled the bartender for another one as someone sat down next to him. "How many does that make for the night?" the man asked. Hawkes shrugged.

"Three or four," he replied. Sid shook his head.

"Far be it from me to really say anything, but maybe you should slow down."

Hawkes shrugged, taking a sip of the new beer put before him. "Maybe."

"You wanna talk about it?" Sid watched with anticipation as he took a drink from his own glass.

"How do you get past feeling like you did something wrong, even though you know you didn't?"

"Is this about the lawsuit?"

Hawkes head snapped up to look at Sid. "How did you…" he began.

"People in the lab like to gossip," Sid replied. "Someone heard you talking to Mac about it earlier, and mentioned it to me."

Hawkes rolled his eyes, sighing before he took another drink. "Nothing's ever secret."

"Not in the small microcosms of society." Sid took another drink, contemplating Hawkes question before saying, "You just have to trust yourself. You know you didn't do anything wrong. The court knows you didn't do anything wrong. The mediation proved that. You're a good doctor, Sheldon. And you didn't mess up."

"But we did," Hawkes reasoned.

"That's a complication that most surgeons know can happen," Sid replied. "It has nothing to do with your knowledge, skills, or experience. That's all about the patient. And the patient did that. That's not your fault."

"But what if it was?" Hawkes took another drink, hoping to wash away some of his insecurities with it.

"It wasn't, though. I know this might not be of much help coming from me, but you need to know that you didn't cause this. Not in the least bit. Once you believe that, you'll move on."

"It's hard to think that you didn't screw up when you're getting sued for malpractice."

Sid sighed, nodding. "Yeah, I know. But the family's upset about losing their loved one and they're looking for someone to blame."

"But they didn't sue every other doctor that treated her."

"You were the only young one. And, if I'm not mistaken, you're the only one that has since left the hospital and the medical profession entirely. They used you as the scapegoat, Sheldon. You didn't do anything wrong."

Hawkes sighed, finding the confines of the conversation and bar suddenly too restrictive for his liking. "I guess you're right," he said. He finished off his beer. "I think I'm gonna head home." He dropped enough money on the bar to cover his tab when Sid turned to him again.

"How are you getting home?" the older man asked.

"I walked here," Hawkes replied. "I don't live far. Thanks for everything."

"No problem." Sid watched Hawkes pat him on the shoulder as he wished Sid a good night and headed out the door. Sid sighed, turning back to the bartender and ordering himself another drink. The conversation had unnerved him a bit, and another drink would ease that slight tension, as well as the worry for his young friend.

*~*~*~*

Flack paced back and forth outside the main entrance of Trinity General Hospital, shivering despite the steamy August night. Panic, fear, anger, sadness, and worry swirled inside him and under his skin, causing his tremors. It chilled him to the bone.

How could she?

Danny walked up, and Flack almost instinctively snapped at the younger man, "Where the hell have you been?"

"It's summer in Manhattan," Danny reasoned. "Traffic's a bitch. Plus, I wasn't alone. What's going on?"

Flack sighed. "I'm sorry, Danny. I forgot. Is your guest still there?"

"Yeah, but she'll be fine. What's going on?"

"Are you sure? I mean, you coulda told me you had a guest. I wouldn't have made you come all the way down here…"

"Don, I swear, it's okay. It's not the first time I left Lindsay alone in my apartment. So, what's going on?"

"Lindsay? Are you two back together?"

Danny sighed. Flack usually did get to things when he wanted to, and not a moment before. "No, we're not," Danny answered. "We're just friends, and we're happy to stay that way. Too much has happened, and I don't think either of us could take being in a relationship with the other right now."

"Yeah." The pair fell silent as Flack leaned against the wall of the hospital. Danny stood next to him, not pushing the issue. "I'm sorry I made you come all the way down here."

"Stop apologizing," Danny said gently.

"I don't know what to do, Danny," Flack said finally.

Danny waited for Flack to continue, but when he didn't, Danny figured he'd nudge him a bit. "Who's here?"

"Sam."

"What's going on?"

Flack sighed heavily. "EMS got a call for her a couple hours ago. She'd collapsed on her way into work on the street. Someone passing by, a tourist, called for the bus."

"Why'd she collapse?"

"Dehydration mostly."

"Only mostly?"

"Danny…" Flack's voice got choked off, and Danny watched as his friend closed his eyes. A serious expression crossed his face, a glimmer of pain being held within. "She… uh… she has cancer."

Despite not knowing Sam very well, Danny felt like he'd been hit with a brick several times. His stomach tightened as it threatened to revolt, and his head felt like it was swimming.

"What kind?" Danny asked softly.

"Ovarian," Flack replied.

"Isn't that rare in someone her age?"

"Yeah. Not to mention, prognosis usually isn't that great for that one either." Flack's head dropped to his chest in a desperate attempt to shield Danny from seeing him cry. Hearing those words wasn't as bad as saying them to someone else. Hearing them wasn't believing them. Saying them brought a whole new finality to the thought, and that brought forth the tears.

Danny instinctively hugged his friend, his mind swirling with the words he'd just heard. Sam and Don didn't have the smoothest of relationships, but that didn't matter. His mind reverted to Louie's final days, and how even though he and his brother hadn't always been the best of friends, Danny was heartbroken to find that his brother would never make it out of the hospital.

And now Flack was hearing essentially those same words.

But Flack did have one thing going for him that Danny didn't. Flack had time to consciously make things right with his sister. Time to make sure she knew how much he loved her. Time to take care of her. Time to make things whole again.

Danny never got that chance with Louie.

Flack backed away from Danny's grasp after a moment, tears still falling down his face. Danny swallowed the lump in his throat before clearing it softly. "So, what's the plan?" he asked softly. Flack shrugged.

"I don't know," he replied, his voice drenched with the tears streaming down his face.

"Have you seen her?"

"No, but the doctors said she's going to be fine and that she'll leave the hospital."

"That's good."

"Yeah." Flack sighed painfully, keeping his head staring at the ground as his tears dried. He sniffled, twisting his shoe into the ground. He couldn't remember the last time he'd broken down, let alone doing so in front of someone. "I'm sorry," he instinctively apologized. Danny shook his head.

"Don't worry about it," he replied. "No one's a rock forever, right?"

Flack half-nodded and half-shrugged, not exactly caring to do either at the moment. Danny patted him on the back gently as Flack sank against the building once again.

"The, uh, doctor said she's already getting treatment for it," Flack said after a period of awkward silence. "Has been for a little while." Flack looked up to see Danny nodding thoughtfully before asking, "Why didn't she tell me?"

"I don't know," Danny responded.

"I thought she'd trust me with something like this."

"Maybe she didn't want to worry you."

"Bit late for that."

"She didn't think this was going to happen."

"I would've helped her out, supported her."

"You still can."

"She clearly doesn't want that."

"That's not true," Danny said. "She's scared, Don. She's not thinking straight. And the two of you aren't exactly buddies anymore. She was probably too scared to tell you. You could always go upstairs and talk to her."

Flack nodded silently, staring at his feet. "I could. I should."

"Yeah, you should. Talk to her while you have the chance."

Flack looked up at Danny with a half-hearted smile. "Thanks for coming down here, buddy," he said.

"Don't worry about it," Danny replied. "That's how this works. You got my back, I got yours."

Flack nodded, patting Danny on the shoulder. "I'm, uh, I'm gonna head inside. Talk to her."

"I'll let you do that in private. But, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me, okay?"

Flack nodded again, sighing. Danny patted him on the back before turning and walking away while Flack headed inside the hospital to talk to Sam.


	10. Turn Your Head And Look

A/N: I know it takes me forever to update this story, but I'm glad you guys are sticking with me on this. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you guys enjoy this story, and please review! :)

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Chapter 9: Turn Your Head and Look…

He walked into his office early in the morning, looking at the mound of files on his desk. He inwardly groaned. He hated paperwork, but he had been avoiding it since he came back from vacation. Plus, there was a lot going on around the lab that he needed to attend to. It seemed like something was going wrong in everyone's lives all at once, and Mac knew that he had to be there for all of them.

It was his duty.

He sat at his desk, starting to sift through the files and paperwork on his desk when a soft knock on the glass caught his attention. He looked up to find a quiet, somber Hawkes standing there. Mac waved him in, reasoning that the paperwork had waited this long.

"I didn't realize how much this place gossiped," Hawkes said quietly, sitting across from Mac. Mac rested back in his chair as confusion spread across his features.

"What do you mean?" he asked the former M.E. Hawkes shrugged.

"I got into a bit of trouble, and I thought no one knew about it, but I guess everyone did."

Mac nodded. "The lawsuit. Things like that are big news, Sheldon. Everyone here's watching out for everyone else. Including you."

"Yeah, I know," Hawkes sighed. "I guess I just didn't think about it is all."

"That's okay. As long as you're doing okay."

"I'm doing better now that it's over. We settled last week, in my favor, because I didn't do anything wrong."

"Easier to hear than feel," Mac mused. Hawkes snorted a half-bitter chuckle.

"Definitely," he agreed.

"I know this may not seem like much to hear, but you can't let this get to you. You have done nothing wrong. Even the courts agree, which should bring you some comfort. I know it's hard to ignore that nagging feeling once the seed's been planted, but you'll make it through. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Still easier to hear than feel, but I'm getting there. I just… I wanted to make sure you were aware of what was going on and that the courts are with me."

"I appreciate that. Take care of yourself, Sheldon."

"I will."

Mac watched Hawkes stand up and leave the room with a sad smile on his face. Hawkes always was the type to deal with his problems on his own and just make mentions to those around him that he was going through something. He would be fine on his own. Lindsay, on the other hand…

Mac's thoughts reverted back to the conversation he had with her last week. Since then, she seemed to be doing a bit better. It wouldn't be long, though, before she wouldn't be able to hide that she was pregnant. When that happened, there would be a lot of questions. Especially since Danny wasn't the father.

But Mac would support her through it, as would Danny. She was a member of his team. He wasn't going to leave her out. It went against his code to leave a man down. Which was why he needed to talk to Adam today.

He had been letting Stella handle Adam for the most part, knowing that the two of them were entering into rather uncharted territories. But he was okay with that, because he didn't care what his employees did, as long as it made them happy and didn't interfere with their work.

And, if anything, Stella was making Adam be more focused.

He stood up, reasoning to get that done before he forgot or it got further into the day. He'd been meaning to have this conversation with Adam for weeks now, and hadn't been able to. Today he'd rectify that.

He walked into the DNA lab, finding Adam bouncing his head along to the music in his headphones. Mac hadn't said anything about Adam using his headphones in the lab, because it helped Adam focus and keep him together. Because no one really liked interrupting someone with headphones on.

Mac put his hand gently on Adam's shoulder, watching as the younger man jumped slightly. He pulled one of the sides out of his ears, turning to Mac. "Hey, Boss," he said softly. "I, uh, I don't have anything for you."

"I know," Mac said, sitting down next to him. Adam nodded, putting down the pipette in his hand and turning to him.

"So, what's up? Did I do something wrong, or…?"

"No, you didn't. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"I'm… I'm getting better. Taking it a day at a time."

"Still not sleeping?"

"Not as much as I used to."

"Still blaming yourself?"

"Not as much as I used to."

Mac nodded as Adam looked down at the lab bench in front of him, sighing softly. "You know, you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Adam said. "I promise, Mac, I'm doing better. Just… some days are tougher than others, you know? I mean, I'm sure you know. It's just… it's weird. I still keep feeling like there was something I could've done. I mean, I know I didn't physically kill her. Doug did. But… my silence… my inability to take care of her wounds… I still think that if I'd done something different, she'd still be here."

"Have you mentioned this to…"

"Yeah. There's not really much anyone can say or do to get me to realize that's not the case. Everyone I know's been trying. And I appreciate it. I'm trying to grasp it. I just… can't, for some reason."

Mac put his hand on Adam's shoulder, squeezing it tightly. "You'll figure it out."

"Yeah, I know. I'm doing better."

Mac smiled slightly, and Adam smiled back. "I'm here if you need me."

"I know. Thanks, Boss."

"No problem." Mac gave Adam's shoulder another squeeze before standing up and leaving the lab tech to his music and his work.

*~*~*~*

Flack wasn't moving.

He was tired, as the events of the past week caught up to him. His worry for Sam had spawned another fight between the estranged siblings in the hospital. He was worried, and she didn't want him there. She yelled at him for rushing to the hospital, saying that she was fine and that she didn't need him.

So he argued back that he was sorry he actually gave a damn what happened to her.

She yelled at him that he didn't care about anyone but himself, that he was a horrible brother, and that she didn't need him or his fake sympathy. And rather than argue back with her, he walked out.

Which was the worst thing he could've done.

Ever since he left her, he called her once to apologize and offer his support. She hadn't answered, and he wasn't sure she even got the message. The next time he tried calling back, he found out her phone had been shut off. He had been concerned about how she was paying for this, but didn't want to say anything.

She was sure she didn't need him.

He sighed, rolling over and picking up the phone. He called down to the precinct, letting them know that he wouldn't be in today. He had caught a bug, and couldn't get out of bed. After hanging up, he closed his eyes, trying to will himself into sleeping, which was becoming a more and more extensive task each time he tried to do it.

He just couldn't rest comfortably knowing that things weren't right between him and Sam. Normally, this wouldn't bother him, but knowing that she was sick… that she could be dying… he just couldn't stay mad with her. He wanted to make sure she was going to be fine.

Someone knocked on his door, and he managed to get himself out of bed to answer it. It was probably something important. He opened the door to find a crying, disheveled Sam standing before him.

"Donny," she said softly, reaching out to him. He put his arms around her, holding her in his doorway without a word. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he said softly, rubbing her back softly. "It's okay."

"I hate to put you out, but I got no where else to go. I can't work anymore… I've been trying for the past three weeks, and I can't do it. I can't pay my rent, my bills… I've been paying for my treatments, and I can't afford to pay for everything."

"It's okay. You're welcome to stay here. I'll help you as much as I can."

She nodded, squeezing him tightly. "I love you, Donny."

"I love you too, Sam."

She finally let go of him, walking into the apartment. He took her things in from the hallway as she lay down on the couch. Her already thin frame had shrunk since the last time he had seen her. She was pale, and her eyes were red from crying. His heart broke for her, imagining the hell she was going through right now.

"Can I get you something?" he asked her softly.

"No," she replied quietly, sleepiness evident in her voice. "I'm fine. Thank you, though."

"No problem. I'll make up the other room for you."

"Okay."

He walked into his guest room, putting her bags on the floor for her to unpack when she felt like it. He quickly made up the bed before walking into the living room to find her asleep on the couch. Frowning, he picked her up with ease and brought her into the other room, tucking her into bed like he used to when she was younger. She muttered a sleepy thanks and he kissed her on the top of the head before leaving the room.

He went into his own bedroom, sinking into the bed as a new level of worry hit him. How the hell were they going to pay for her medical bills?


	11. See If I'm Gone

A/N: This is the first of a few chapters that all happen on the same day, and they're slightly short, but I'd rather they all be separated as they are, so that's why I've done it this way. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you enjoy, and please review. :)

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Chapter 10: See if I'm Gone…

Danny watched as Flack walked into the precinct, oblivious to those around him. For the past two weeks, Flack had been in the same place- going through the motions and lost everywhere else. Danny had offered his support to Flack, but the other man shrugged him off, saying he was fine.

But he wasn't fine.

If there was one thing Danny was good at recognizing, it was when other people were in crisis. He himself had been there enough to know, making him an expert in recognition. Even when people were trying to hide it.

Flack was just the latest person going to the ever-growing list of people who were having problems. Adam, Lindsay, Hawkes… though, to his credit, Hawkes was doing a lot better. Mac's issue seemed to be over, and Stella seemed to be wrapped up with Adam, which was helping Adam out a lot. Danny figured he didn't need to worry about Adam so long as the kid had Stella. And Lindsay was being taken care of by Mac and himself.

But, to his knowledge, Flack had no one.

He watched as Flack sat down at his desk, putting his gun on top and starting to get into his paperwork. Danny walked over, putting his hand on Flack's shoulder. "Sullivan's tonight?" Danny asked. Flack looked up. "I'm buying."

"Sure," Flack replied.

Danny nodded, patting Flack's shoulder. "Meet there at 8?"

"Works for me."

Danny nodded, walking away to finish his work. Flack watched Danny walk away briefly, knowing the CSI wanted to talk. But Flack didn't know if he wanted to yet.

*~*~*~*

Danny walked into the lab, finding Adam working on samples with his iPod in his ears. He walked over to the lab tech, putting his hand on Adam's shoulder. Adam jumped, looking at him. "Thanks for the myocardial infarction," Adam joked, pulling the headphones out of his ears.

"No problem," Danny replied, smiling. "How're you doing, kid?"

"I'm alright. You want the results of your case?"

"Sure."

"Blood on the stairs wasn't actually human. It's cat blood, and just so you know, that's more blood than one cat."

"So someone killed the cats."

Adam shrugged. "Looks that way. Trace off the banister came back as nitroglycerin."

"Dynamite?"

"Or a medication. They prescribe it for people with angina. Your killer may have a prescription, since no one in the house had any heart problems."

"Yeah, true. Thanks for confusing me."

"You're very welcome," Adam said with a smirk. Danny shook his head.

"I'm gonna go catch up with Mac, ya clown," he said, giving Adam a slap on the back before walking out. Adam continued smirking, putting his headphones back in his ears and going back to running samples.

*~*~*~*

Lindsay rubbed her ever-growing stomach gently, trying to soothe the child inside of her as best she could. He/she was active at four months gestation, and she could only imagine what it would be like to hold the child in her arms. Regardless of the situation, she was going to love this baby.

The crashing into the desk in front of hers jarred her from her thoughts, and she looked up to find Danny plopping forcefully into his chair. He sighed, sinking against the back. "I don't know where the hell my case is going," he commented.

Lindsay smiled slightly, glad that she could offer him some help and also get herself out of her own thoughts. "Talk it out," she said.

"Dead couple, killed in their own house. Blood all over the stairs, but it wasn't human. Nitroglycerine trace on the stairs, but it isn't from the family."

"Bomb maker and killer?"

"Or someone with angina who was having chest pains."

"Or someone with a spider bite."

"Nitroglycerine requires a prescription, but it'll take forever to check every pharmacy in New York."

"What about suspects? Any of them on nitro?"

"Don't really have any. No one who knew the couple had any issues. More than likely, this was random."

"If it was random, that may mean the killer's done this before. I'll check open case files for you, see if I can't find something similar."

"That'd be great. Thanks."

"No problem." Lindsay began typing into the computer again, and Danny flipped through one of the case folders in front of him.

"How're you doing, Montana?" he asked after a few moments.

"I'm okay, Danny," she replied.

"How's the baby?"

"Active whenever I'm not."

"Morning sickness gone?"

"Fortunately, yes."

"Good. I'm glad."

"You okay?"

"I'm great, actually. Other than the case, I mean."

She smiled. "You'll work it out."

"Yeah, I know." Danny dug back into the case files as Lindsay continued searching for something to help Danny with his case.

*~*~*~*

Stella walked into Mac's office, closing the glass door behind her. Mac looked up at the welcomed intrusion into the confusion of his and Danny's case. She sat down, and he watched her. "Something on your mind?" he asked.

"It's about Adam," she replied.

"Is he okay?"

"Not as okay as he wants everyone to believe."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He comes to work and pretends everything is okay, and goes home and loses his mind. It's not healthy, and he doesn't realize it."

"How can I help?"

"I don't know. Honestly, Mac, I wish I did know how to help him. But it seems like it's just something he can't get around. I'm trying everything, Mac."

"Give him time, Stella. I'm sure he'll be okay. Be there for him and give him time. He'll be okay."

"I hope so." She stood up, walking toward the door.

"Stella?" Mac said. She turned around, looking at him.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"He'll be fine. He has you."

She smiled softly to herself at his compliment before turning around and walking out the door. Mac sighed, leaning back in his chair and wondering if Adam would be okay.


	12. Cause I Fear

A/N: For my own sanity (and because I'm trying to update two stories at once), I'm going to try my best to stick to weekly updates. I'm not guaranteeing that this will definitely happen, but I will try. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. This is chapter 2 of the same day/time period. I hope you guys enjoy the story, and please review. :)

_Recap:_

_ Danny walked over, putting his hand on Flack's shoulder. "Sullivan's tonight?" Danny asked. Flack looked up. "I'm buying."_

_"Sure," Flack replied._

_Danny nodded, patting Flack's shoulder. "Meet there at 8?"_

_"Works for me."_

_Danny nodded, walking away to finish his work._

* * *

Chapter 11: 'Cause I Fear…

Danny walked down the street at a brisk pace, trying to get to Sullivan's. He was supposed to meet Flack there at 8, and it was already 8:15. The problem had been that he lost track of time and was trying to finish all the paperwork he needed to after wrapping one of his cases. He was happy, though, getting one more folder off his desk.

As he stumbled past an alley in the bitter, cold, driving rain, he heard a young child crying. Concerned ever since Ruben's passing, he paused, looking into the alley. "Hey, you okay?" he asked. The child didn't look up, and Danny moved a little closer. "Kid," he said, a little louder. This time, the face of a little girl turned to look at him. "You okay, sweetie?"

"I wanna go home," she cried. Danny walked closer to her, squatting down to her level.

"What's your name, honey?"

Because Danny was focused on the child, he never saw it coming…

*~*~*~*

9:45.

Flack tore his vision away from the clock, looking down at the glass in his hand. Danny was supposed to meet him almost two hours ago, and he still hadn't shown up or called. One hour meant Danny was tied up at work. Almost two hours meant something was wrong. He tried calling Danny's cell phone, but got no answer.

No answer meant looking.

Flack finished his drink before nodding to Frankie and dropping a couple bills on the bar to cover his tab. Frankie nodded, scooping up the bills as Flack walked out the door.

Flack tried calling Danny's cell phone again. Still no answer. Flack sighed, walking toward the Crime Lab, knowing that was where Danny would be walking from. After a moment, his phone rang.

Danny.

Flack answered with a quick, "Where are you?"

"Not sure," Danny said hoarsely, coughing.

"Stay on the line, Danno," Flack said, keeping his voice calm while he hustled down the street.

"I'm sorry, Don."

"Don't worry about it, Danny. I'll be there in a few. Just stay with me."

"I'm sorry."

"Danny, it's okay."

"Don…"

Flack heard his name come from the phone and the alley at the same time, and he looked over. "Danny, buddy, you're gonna be okay," Flack said, hanging up the phone and walking over to the young man laying down against the wall.

Danny was bruised and bleeding from the face as well as the abdomen. He could barely hold his head up, and the smaller man was shivering from the rain and the cold. His clothes were torn and his jacket was missing.

Flack grabbed his phone, calling 911 as he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around Danny. "It's Detective Flack. I need a bus…"

*~*~*~*

Danny zoned out as Flack spoke, closing his eyes. He was soaking wet, freezing cold, and in more pain than he can ever remember being in. He wasn't sure how long he had been in the alley, nor how many people had probably walked by and said nothing. Everything felt hazy, and he wasn't sure how many times he'd lost consciousness. If he even had lost consciousness.

He wasn't sure of anything right now.

He had no idea how Flack had found him. He remembered that he was supposed to meet him and that he'd been running late. But he couldn't remember anything else anymore. How had he ended up in the alley? Was he even in an alley?

Where the hell was he?

"Stay with me," Flack said, presumably to Danny as he was sure there was no one else with them. "Help is on the way. Just stay with me, Danno."

"Trying," Danny replied softly, feeling a weight against his painful shoulder. He groaned, and the weight moved.

"Sorry," Flack said. "Where does it hurt, buddy?"

"Everywhere." Danny coughed, and he felt Flack grab him gently, holding him.

"How long have you been out here?"

"Dunno."

"How long ago did you leave the lab?"

"Dunno."

"When did you leave the lab?"

"8:10. Stop interrogating me."

*~*~*~*

Flack smirked, relieved that Danny's mind was still somewhat intact. He held him upright, supporting Danny's full weight as they waited for the ambulance. Flack knew he needed to call Mac and let him know what happened, but he needed to make sure Danny was going to stay with him.

"I'm just makin' sure you stay awake," he said.

"Yeah, but I've been goin' in an' out for a while," Danny countered. "'M not gonna die on you."

"You better not. I'll kill you for that, Messer."

Danny half-chuckled before coughing again. "Yeah, okay."

"I'm gonna call Mac, okay? Stay with me."

"I make no…" Danny drifted out, and Flack swallowed.

"Yeah, I know, buddy."

*~*~*~*

Mac rubbed his closed eye lids, trying to work out the stress in them. He sighed, thinking about Lindsay's predicament and Adam's problems. She was starting to show, which meant that she'd have a lot of explaining to do soon. Adam was another issue entirely. Because if Stella was right, Adam might lose it. And that really wouldn't be good.

His ringing phone cut him from his thoughts, and he picked it up. "Detective Taylor," he answered. The sigh he heard some from the other end said it all.

"Mac?"

*~*~*~*

The ambulance was just pulling away as Mac ran up, grabbing Flack's attention. "Mac," the younger detective greeted somberly.

"How is he?" Mac replied, worried.

"He's not good. They're taking him to Queen of Mercy. He passed out on me."

"How're you?"

"If I didn't already have enough beer in me to make me numb, I think I'd be losing my mind, but other than that…"

Mac gave him a bitter half-smile, half-frown. "I'm sorry, Don."

"Yeah, me too."

"What happened?"

"He wasn't sure. Cash was taken from his wallet and his badge is missing, so I'm thinking this was probably a random mugging."

"What about his gun?"

"He didn't have the holster on him, so I assume he didn't have the gun on him."

Mac nodded, thinking as Flack moved over to the side of the road, away from the crime scene. He sat down on the ground, leaning against the wet bricks of the building to the side. Mac watched him silently for a moment before saying, "Where was he going?"

"He was supposed to meet me at Sullivan's," the dejected detective replied. "At 8. Only, he didn't show, and he didn't call. I got worried, so I came looking for him at the same time he finally called me. He… he wasn't good, Mac."

"Yeah… listen, go to Queen of Mercy. Be with Danny. Angell's on her way down here to sit on this. Okay?"

Flack nodded wordlessly, leaving the scene and hailing a cab. Mac watched the young man go, feeling even worse than he already did.


	13. There is Nothing Left To Say

A/N: Okay, so I know I said I'd try to update weekly, but I was wicked sick at the end of last week, so I didn't get a chance to do this until now. I apologize, and am feeling much better now, so here's an update! See first chapter for disclaimer. As always, I hope you enjoy, and please review! :)

* * *

Chapter 12: There is Nothing Left To Say…

How the hell did this happen?

That was the pervading thought in Mac's mind as he worked Danny's crime scene. First Joe duped him, then there was also Lindsay's rape, Kendall's death, Hawkes' lawsuit, whatever issue Flack was trying to hide… and now Danny had been mugged.

How did the team get so snake-bitten?

Mac sighed painfully, leaning back on his heels as he tucked another swab away in his kit. None of this made sense to him anymore. And with each passing day, it seemed things got worse. The only people who were doing okay right now were him and Hawkes. And even the two of them weren't doing that great with trying to keep those around them in check.

"Mac?" Angell said, her voice stabbing into his thoughts. He turned his head to her. "I think we may have found a witness."

"A witness who didn't call 911?" Mac countered.

She shrugged, rolling her eyes. "Mentioned seeing Danny go into the alley to talk to a crying girl, but didn't see anything beyond that."

"What time did he walk into the alley?"

"Between 8:15 and 8:30."

"Flack called me around 10:15, so that would mean that Danny was in this alley for almost two hours before anyone called for help."

*~*~*~*

Mac groaned disgustedly, and Angell frowned. As much as she wanted to be able to say something at the moment, words wouldn't come to her. At least, not any that would sound good or make the situation better. If anything _could_ make it better…

*~*~*~*

Flack was in the waiting room when Lindsay rushed in, completely flustered. Flack stood up from his chair to hug her, feeling the bump growing over her abdomen as she embraced him tightly. "How is he?" she asked softly, holding onto Flack as if that would make Danny better.

"He's not good, Linds," he replied, rubbing her back gently while wondering if there was something Danny hadn't told him. Last he knew, Danny and Lindsay were broken up, so how did she get pregnant?

Lindsay let go of Flack after a moment, and the two of them sat down next to each other. She folded her hands in her lap, and he looked down at the floor.

"I haven't seen you in a while, Monroe," he said after a moment. "How've you been?"

"I've been mostly in the lab doing paperwork," she replied. "Consulting sometimes. Helped Danny out on a case earlier today."

"Sick of field work?"

"Unable to do field work. I'm pregnant, Don."

Despite knowing as much from the hug they just shared, the news hit him rather hard. Especially with the drab, somewhat upset way she said it. He inhaled before turning to her. "Are you… are you okay with this?"

She shrugged, tilting her head to the side quickly. "I'm getting more okay with it every day."

"Is it…"

"No, it's not Danny's. A one-night stand. It was stupid, but it happened."

She was afraid that she had glossed over it too much, and that he would pick up on the truth.

"Does he know?"

She felt like breathing a sigh of relief, but instead said, "He would if I knew what his name was. But Danny knows, if that's what you meant."

"Linds, if you need anything…"

"I appreciate that, Don, but I know you have enough on your plate right now."

He arched his eyebrows, looking at her curiously.

"The techs gossip," she explained. "They've been talking about how you haven't been yourself lately."

"I see," he replied, looking out across the waiting area.

"I'm sorry, Don. If you need anything…"

"Yeah, I know," he brushed it off quickly. After a few moments of silence, he softly added, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said softly.

The two of them sat silently in the waiting room, both staring at the ground. Neither one could think of anything else to say at the moment, so they sat side-by-side and waited to hear something other than their own breaths.

*~*~*~*

Hawkes arrived at the hospital, walking into the waiting room. He walked over to Lindsay and Flack, both of which stood upon his arrival. "Anything?" he asked.

"Not yet," Flack replied. Hawkes nodded, sighing.

"How bad did it look?"

"He was bleeding pretty badly. Coughing… He couldn't really stay with it. I'd say he broke something, but I can't be sure. I don't know what happened."

"I'm gonna go see if I can get someone to give us some information."

"We'll be here."

Hawkes walked back out, striding into the ER. He walked up to the nurse's station, smiling. "Doctor Hawkes," he said.

"I know who you are, Doctor," she replied. "He's in room 7."

"Thanks." Hawkes walked down the hall, walking to Danny's doorway. He stood outside, watching the doctors and the nurses work on him. A younger man walked over.

"You shouldn't be here," he said.

"Doctor Hawkes," he introduced.

"Kyle Johnson. How do you know Detective Messer?"

"We work together. How is he?"

"He's pretty beat up. I can't tell you more than that. You're not his medical proxy. They shouldn't have even let you come back here."

"I'm a doctor."

"Kyle, ease up on him," a woman said. "Sheldon, long time no see."

"Katie," he replied. "I thought you were still in OR."

"I changed specialties, decided to go to the ER."

"Surgery wasn't enough stress for you?"

She laughed. "I wanted a change."

"How is he, Doctor?"

"He's not good, Sheldon. He suffered some severe facial lacerations, but no broken facial or skull bones. He has a broken rib, which makes his breathing a little more difficult. He has some minor swelling on his brain, but it should go down on its own. We're currently wrapping him up and sending him upstairs to the trauma step-down. Not sure what room, though, you'd have to check with them."

"Thanks, Katie."

"He'll make it, Sheldon. Tell your friends."

"I will. Thanks again, Katie. I'm glad he was in such good hands."

She smiled. "Call me later. We should do lunch sometime."

"Yeah, definitely."

"Let me know when you're free."

"I will. I'll see you later."

"Later."

Hawkes walked out, leaving the ER area. He walked back into the waiting room to find that Stella, Adam, and Mac had arrived. "He's going to be okay," Hawkes explained. The group breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Then, Flack said, "Now all we gotta do is figure out what the hell happened in that alley."


	14. To You, That You Wanna Hear

A/N: I have no idea why this gave me such a hard time uploading, but I finally got it! Yay for me! Anyway, see the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter, and please review. :)

* * *

Chapter 13: To You, That You Wanna Hear…

When Danny woke up, the first person he saw was Flack standing over him. "I'm sorry," Danny said instinctively.

"For what?" Flack replied, sitting down beside Danny's bed.

"I didn't meet you."

"That's okay. Tell me something, Danno. What happened in the alley?"

"There was a kid… little girl… she was… she was crying…"

*~*~*~*

_Danny walked into the alley, walking toward the child. "Hey, you okay?" he asked. The child didn't look up, and Danny moved closer. "Kid?" he said, a little louder. This time, the face of a little girl turned to look at him. "You okay, sweetie?"_

"_I wanna go home," she cried. Danny walked closer to her, squatting down to her level._

"_What's your name, honey?"_

"_Sarah."_

"_Sarah…" Before he could say anymore, a hard object connected with his head._

*~*~*~*

"A gun, maybe?" Flack asked.

"Could be," Danny replied. "Find one at the scene?"

"I don't know, Danny. I've been here."

"I'm sorry."

"Danny, you have no reason to be sorry."

"I don't? I was running late, stood you up, and got jumped in an alley. I should've seen it coming, and I didn't."

"You were focused on a little girl who was upset. I would've done the same thing."

"Yeah, but you're more careful. You wouldn't have gotten your ass kicked like I did. You would've taken better care of yourself."

"You got duped, Messer. It happens to the best of us. Even Mac."

"Yeah, but you guys would've defended yourselves better. You wouldn't have ended up in the hospital."

"You give us too much credit, Danny," Flack said.

Danny shrugged, becoming defensive again. "Doesn't matter," he said. "After all that, I don't remember much. Don't really remember calling you or anything. I'm sorry."

"Nothin' to be sorry about. Did you see the guy?"

"No, not really. He was wearing a hood. I had my eyes closed too."

"What happened to the kid?"

"She ran off. I don't know to where, I don't know her last name. I just… I don't know, Don."

"It's alright, Danny. Just relax, okay?"

Danny nodded, sighing and closing his eyes. "I'm kinda tired."

Flack nodded, taking the hint. "Alright. I'll let you get some rest. I'll come back later, okay?"

"Okay."

Flack left, walking out of the room. He silently made his way back to the lab, walking into Mac's office. The older man looked up at the interruption of his thoughts.

"How is he?" Mac asked. Flack shook his head.

"He's awake," Flack replied. "It's hard on him."

Mac nodded. "What did he say?"

"He walked into the alley 'cause he heard a kid crying. Went to talk to her, and got jumped. And now he's beating himself up over it."

"Yeah."

"Why is it that none of us have anything together right now?" Flack shook his head, leaving Mac's office without waiting for an answer. Mac stared at Flack's retreating form, wondering just what was going on in the mind of the younger detective.

*~*~*~*

"I think I got something," Hawkes said. Adam bobbed his head along with the music of his iPod, oblivious to the Doc's discovery. "Adam."

"Huh?" Adam asked, pulling one of the headphones out of his head.

"I said I think I got something."

"Oh." Adam moved over to stand next to Hawkes. "What is it?"

"I found some trace on Danny's shirt. Maybe it'll tell us who did this."

"Yeah, maybe." Adam took the sample from Hawkes, who watched the lab tech start processing with curiosity.

"You okay?" Hawkes asked after a minute.

Adam shrugged. "Fine, I guess," he said. "Just worried about Danny, you know?"

"Yeah. I haven't seen much of you lately. How have you been?"

"Fine. Just working and hanging out."

"The rumor running around is you and Stella have something going."

"That's why it's a rumor."

"You mean to tell me that it's not true?"

Adam blushed, saying nothing.

"That's what I thought," Hawkes taunted lightly. "Good for you, man."

"Thanks, I guess."

"It's good, you know? You two deserve each other…" Hawkes continued on his train of thought while Adam continued processing samples. He sank into the stool behind him, pecking at the keyboard before closing his eyes briefly. Noticing this, Hawkes said, "You okay, Adam?"

"Yeah, fine," Adam replied. "Just tired."

"You might wanna head home after this."

"Not going to. Need to find whoever did this to Danny."

"You're not going to be much help if you fall asleep on the lab bench."

Adam scowled at Hawkes. "I'm fine, Doctor."

"Okay, whatever you say," Hawkes said, slightly taken aback. Adam had never been that rough with anyone, let alone Hawkes.

"Adam, I need the computer," Lindsay said, rushing in.

"You have one in your office," Adam retorted. "I'm busy. Go find another one. Hell, go to the damn A/V lab for all I care! I'm working!"

"Adam…"

"Don't even try pulling rank or anything else. And before anyone asks, I'm fine. Now, please, leave me the hell alone and get the hell out of my lab so I can do my friggen work!" As he ranted, he pounded the keyboard with his fingers. Lindsay and Hawkes looked at each other, both silent after Adam's outburst. As the printer spit out the results, Adam thrust them into Hawkes' hands without an explanation before storming out of the lab. Lindsay and Hawkes looked at each other again before watching the younger man leave the lab.

*~*~*~*

As he sat at the bottom of the stairs, he kept his hands over his face. He hadn't meant to snap like that, but something inside him let go. He couldn't help it. He buried his head into his knees, allowing tears to fall down his cheeks. He inhaled sharply as he heard footsteps coming down the stairs to join him.

"I'm sorry, Boss," Adam said softly, not having to look over at the figure that was now sitting next to him to know that it was Mac.

"You care to explain that?" the older man replied, shelving the apology for the moment.

"I don't have an explanation. I was out of line. It won't happen again."

"Adam…"

"I'm tired, and worried, and it got the best of me. I promise, this won't happen again."

"I know you know better than that. Look, Adam, I'm not here to yell at you. I'm here because I'm concerned. You haven't been yourself lately."

"I'm fine, Boss. I swear. I-I'm fine."

"You're not going to get in trouble for being honest or admitting something's wrong."

"But I'm fine."

Mac simply nodded, not wanting to push things further. "Why don't you take the rest of the day? Go see Danny."

"No, I-I should be here."

"Adam. Take the time. Go see how Danny's doing, then go home and get some rest."

Adam sighed, realizing he wasn't winning that argument. "Okay. I'll see you later, Boss."

Mac nodded, standing before extending his hand toward Adam. The younger man took it hesitantly, wondering why the former Marine was helping him up off the stairs. Finally, Adam left, with Mac watching his every move until he was out the door.

*~*~*~*

Adam hesitantly walked into Danny's room, standing at the doorway. The CSI had his eyes closed at the moment, and Adam was afraid that he was dead until he saw Danny breathe. Sighing, Adam shifted his weight so he was leaning against the doorjamb.

"Don't be afraid to come in," Danny said, looking over at the door. Adam snorted lightly.

"I didn't want to wake you up," he said quietly.

"Hard to wake someone who isn't sleeping. And, speaking of not sleeping, when was the last time you actually got a good night's sleep?"

Adam shrugged. "That's not important. How are you, Danny?"

"I'm fine. A little sore, but I'll be alright. Now, answer my question."

"I'm sleeping fine at night."

"Doesn't look it."

"It also doesn't matter right now. Can we stop talking about me?"

"Sure," Danny said, picking up on Adam's defensive tone.

"Thank you," Adam replied, sighing as he moved away from the doorjamb into the room. He still kept his distance from the bed, though. "So… you're doing okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Just pretty bruised and cut up. Lost some blood. Docs say I'll be out of here in no time."

"Good. Th-tha-that's good." Adam closed his eyes slightly, sighing.

"Yeah." Danny watched as Adam opened his eyes again. He could tell Adam wanted to say something to him, but watched as Adam's expression hardened. He wasn't sure he liked the person Adam was becoming.

"Listen, man, I'm sorry, but I think I'm gonna go," Adam said. "I just, uh, wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm glad you dropped by," Danny replied. Adam nodded.

"Take it easy."

"You too." Danny watched as Adam practically scrambled out of the room, unable to stand there a minute longer.

The only thing Danny couldn't understand was why.


	15. That You Wanna Know

A/N: Again, I'm going to try to update each week (probably not more than that, though), but bare with me because it's the end of the semester (and graduation's just around the corner), so I might not be too good at that, but whatever. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you all enjoy the story, and please review! :)

* * *

Chapter 14: That You Wanna Know…

For the past three weeks, every time Adam closed his eyes, he saw Kendall's lifeless body lying on the sidewalk outside his apartment. He saw himself covered in her blood, being led upstairs by Mac. He saw himself changing while he talked to Mac through the bedroom door. He saw himself taking a shower that night, washing the blood off of himself that had soaked through his clothes.

Danny being attacked had brought everything back.

At first, Adam hadn't been sure why, until he remembered that he had gone down to the crime scene with Stella. The second he looked at the pool of blood, the one that had belonged to Danny, his mind reverted to a little more than three months earlier.

Outside his apartment.

On his steps.

The flashing lights, the crime scene tape.

The team tiptoeing around, making sure they miss nothing.

One of their own was attacked again. Once again, they were processing the crime scene to find the bastard that did this. Unlike Kendall's case, though, Danny's had been hard to solve. But after two weeks, they finally had the man in custody.

After two weeks and another victim.

Adam was shaking as he stood over his kitchen sink, taking a drink of water. He was terrified of the memories, and as much as he had been sure that he was getting over the way things ended for Kendall, he knew he wasn't. If he was shaking in his kitchen, then he wasn't doing well. And as much as he loved Stella, he didn't want to drag her down with him.

So he had kept to himself as he slowly began to self-destruct.

*~*~*~*

Danny himself was doing much better. He was already back at work, and didn't seem to have too many negative ramifications from the beating. As he had explained to Mac when the boss had asked, Danny had been in far worse situations. He was a cop. He'd be fine.

At least that's what he wanted everyone to believe.

The only thing that continued to haunt him was how angry he was with himself. He had let himself be manipulated into that alley, and for that, he had a constant reminder- a scar over his left eye. Every time he looked in the mirror, he saw it. Every time he saw it, he thought of how he got it. And every time he thought about it, he got angrier and angrier at himself.

After all, he was an NYPD detective. He should've known better. He should've just carried on his merry way to Sullivan's to meet with Flack. But, he knew that if he did ever get put in that position again, he'd probably do the same thing. For all he had known at the time, that little girl could've been hurt, and it was his duty to protect and serve.

So he tried not to dwell on it too much, choosing instead to help those around him find comfort and reprieve.

Only, he wasn't doing a very good job.

*~*~*~*

It was no longer her own little secret.

Lindsay had grown beyond the point where she could hide it anymore. The entire lab now knew that she was pregnant whereas before, the only people who had known were Danny, Mac, and Flack. Although, she had realized that Hawkes had known long before anyone told him. It seemed like the only two who hadn't really noticed were Stella and Adam, but that was to be expected, given where the two of them were.

What she hadn't expected was how everyone would react.

Some of the techs had been outright disgusted to find out that the child she was carrying wasn't, in fact, Danny's, and had been from a one-night stand. Lindsay had found that she would've rather heard them call her a slutty bitch than have them know the real truth.

The one she was just starting to accept.

The thing that had her tripped up most now was what to do when the baby was born. She wasn't entirely sure she'd be a good mother yet, especially given the hours she worked. Mac had promised to help her out with the hours as much as possible, but she knew it probably wouldn't help much.

Who was going to watch the kid while she was working? What if she wanted to go out at night? The idea of trying to go about hiring a babysitter or a nanny was frightening to her. She had heard too many stories and seen too many cases of child care workers abusing the children they were supposed to protect. She'd be damned before she'd let them do that to her kid.

She may not have been able to save herself, but she was going to make sure that no one ever hurt her child like she had been hurt. She'd kill them if they did.

Despite her newfound protective streak, Lindsay still wasn't sure that she was ready to become a mother. She didn't know that she could take on a new life, take care of someone else. Some days, it was hard enough for her to take care of herself, let alone someone else. Someone completely dependent on her for living. Someone who never could live without her.

She knew she could never have an abortion. It wasn't the baby's fault she was in this predicament, so why take it out on the baby? And she wasn't sure she was ready to have a baby, but she also wasn't sure she was just going to give it up, either.

She wouldn't make that decision until she'd tried being a mother first. That way there, she'd know that, later in life, she could tell her child that she had at least given it a shot first before deciding she couldn't do it.

*~*~*~*

Today was another bad day.

Flack realized this dismally as he found Sam hunched over the toilet. He knelt down beside her, holding her hair back from her face. He closed his eyes as she continued retching, rubbing her back and trying to soothe her as much as possible.

As the wave passed, she sat back on her heels, and Flack let go of her hair. He handed her a damp face cloth, and she thanked him silently, wiping her face. She closed her eyes, swaying slightly. Flack caught her against him, holding her closely. She sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. She opened her eyes, looking into Flack's as he nodded. Together, the two of them stood up, her holding onto him for support.

Once up, she brushed her teeth, getting the taste of her stomach contents out of her mouth. Flack stood beside her, making sure she didn't fall over. They walked out of the bathroom and Sam went straight back to bed. Flack got her settled with a glass of water and her pills beside the bed, running his hand over her hair. He told her that he was going to work and that he'd be back later. She promised to call him if she needed anything.

Before he left the room, he heard her utter a soft, "thanks, Donny." And as he left, he was thankful his back was turned to her, so that she didn't see the tears well up in his eyes.

*~*~*~*

To say that they were taking things badly was an understatement.

Both Mac and Stella were still trying to figure out how best to help keep the team afloat. But not in the work sense, as everyone had been diligent about getting their jobs done right, but in the personal sense. Each one of them had their own issue to go home to, and each day they would come back and pretend things were okay if for no other reason than trying to get through the day.

But whereas Mac was keeping up with all of them, Stella had tunnel vision on Adam. In a way, this was hurting her as much as him, because she was watching him self-destruct and knew there wasn't anything she could do unless he opened up to her. Mac was thinking the same thing, but he was also focusing on Danny, Lindsay, and Flack. Hawkes himself was doing much better, and was trying at this time to help Danny out. But, even then, Danny didn't really need the help.

And Hawkes had been avoiding Adam since the moment in the lab three weeks ago.

Mac had talked to both of them about it, and while Hawkes maintained no hard feelings toward Adam, whatever funk had gotten ahold of Adam just wouldn't let him go. Stella had made sure to talk to both of them as well, and continued to try to work with Adam. But so far, no one had made any progress of late.

While Stella tried to get Adam to talk, Mac looked into whether or not something else was going on. But he found nothing, and the supervisor had made it his mission to talk to Adam later about it. Until then, though, he watched from the sidelines and let Stella vent and validate her frustrations and concerns to him.

He just hoped that they'd be able to help Adam in time.

*~*~*~*

Hawkes was on the outside looking in.

He could see that Adam was slowly starting to implode, yet was powerless to do anything because even Stella, who was definitely Adam's girlfriend, couldn't help him, so how could Sheldon Hawkes get anywhere with Adam?

Lindsay was pregnant, and pretty largely so. His expert opinion was that she had to be about five months now, so she was showing a lot. She looked gorgeous, and Hawkes made sure to tell her that every time he saw her. He was always offering his support, and he could tell that she appreciated the gesture, even if she wasn't about to take him up on the offer. He was also constantly defending her against the asshole techs that were on her case about the pregnancy.

He was watching Flack grow more and more distant from everyone, including Flack's own self. The detective had toned down his characteristic snark, and Hawkes found that more distressing than he thought he would. Flack wasn't Flack if he wasn't busting someone's balls. However, Hawkes remained at a distance, because he knew Flack wasn't the type of person who wanted anyone fussing over him.

And then there was Danny.

Danny had owned up to what had happened, and actually seemed to be doing okay. For some reason, Hawkes found that equally inspiring and worrisome. He wasn't completely convinced that Danny was as okay as he said he was, but Hawkes also wasn't convinced that Danny was messed up. For the most part, he was watching Danny try to be there for everyone else, which was mostly his ex-girlfriend, Lindsay. But, either way, Danny seemed to be doing fine, which made Hawkes wonder if there was something else going on underneath the surface.

Only time would tell.


	16. I Think I Should Go

A/N: I'm updating early, mostly because I'm impatient, but I may also end up updating on Friday too. Anyway, see the first chapter for the disclaimer. I hope you guys are still reading and/or enjoying this story. Please review so I know what ya'll are thinking! :)

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Chapter 15: I Think I Should Go…

Adam drank alone in the darkness, waiting for the pain to end. He had seen his father do it, and for the first time in his life, Adam was actually following his father's lead. Because it had to make things better, right? He chugged the whiskey in his hand with that thought, trying to drown out his sorrows.

But it wasn't going to work.

The only thing that was working was the hazy feeling that was creeping up on him. He could feel the alcohol warming his body and keeping him from shivering. Also, at the moment, it was keeping him from crying, which was something he probably should do, but he didn't want to. He couldn't make himself do it.

Nor could he get himself to talk to anyone.

He knew that after tonight, both Stella and Mac would make him go to counseling. If he survived tonight. That thought danced around in his head like a well-performed waltz, and he had to practically smack himself to keep from entertaining it further. He wasn't going to kill himself.

Not tonight, anyway.

But everything was growing warm and fuzzy, and Adam started to think that maybe, just maybe, he had overdone it. Shrugging, he took another drink, finishing the bottle off. His second one of the night. He closed his eyes, drifting off into an alcohol-induced haze on the couch.

*~*~*~*

Stella let herself into Adam's apartment, finding the younger man passed out on the couch. His skin was clammy, and she walked over closer to him. His breathing was slow and irregular, and he wasn't waking up as she poked and prodded him with her fingers. She quickly grabbed her phone, calling for EMS. After hanging up with them, she dialed another familiar number. When the person answered on the other end of the line, she had one thing to say to them.

"I think we're too late."

*~*~*~*

Mac met with Stella at the hospital, and the first thing he did was give her a big hug. "I just walked in, and he was…" she said, somewhat frantic.

"He'll be okay," Mac told her.

"Ever since Danny was attacked a month ago, he's been getting worse."

Mac nodded, saying nothing and still hugging Stella. "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

"He knows his limits."

"Do you think he did this on purpose?"

"I don't know, Mac." She stepped away from him, and Mac watched her quietly. "I don't think he did," Stella said after a moment.

"You don't think he did, or you don't want to think he did?" Mac asked.

"Either. Or both. I don't know, Mac. I don't know what to think."

"You're heart's involved."

"Spare me that lecture."

"I wasn't going to give you a lecture, Stella," Mac said gently.

"I wasn't there for him enough. I should've been there."

"You've been doing great with him, Stella. Don't beat yourself up over this."

"But…" Stella began.

"You did the best you can. Truth is, we're all as much to blame as you. You can only do so much by yourself, and we basically all left it up to you. We all should've been there for him, each one of us. This isn't on you, Stella."

"I know but… I feel bad. I feel like this is my fault."

"It's not."

She sighed, sitting down. "I just wish I had done more for him," she said.

"There's only so much you can do, Stella," Mac said, sitting down next to her.

"I know, but…"

"It doesn't help." Mac sighed, leaning back in his chair. "He'll be okay. He's just going through a hard time."

"I know. I just wish he'd talk to me instead of trying to pretend that everything's okay."

"I know."

Hawkes walked in, looking at them. "He's going to be okay," he said softly. "His BAC was .29, but it's coming down now."

"So what was it before I got there?" Stella asked quietly. Mac glanced at her before looking back at Hawkes.

"Probably not much more than that. He'll be okay, Stella. He's actually starting to wake up, and he's asking for you."

She nodded, giving Hawkes a hug before heading back.

"How much more?" Mac asked, eyeing Hawkes.

".32 at least, I'd guess," Hawkes replied.

"How much did he drink?"

"He didn't say."

"He's going to be okay?"

"Definitely."

"Good."

*~*~*~*

Stella walked over to Adam's room, finding him drowsy but awake. "Hey," he whispered softly. She gave him a small smile.

"Hey yourself," she said warmly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"I wasn't thinking. I just… I stopped thinking, a-and I just kept going… I just… I wanted it to stop, Stella. I just wanted it to stop."

"I know, honey." She sat down next to him, running her fingers through his hair. "I know you did."

"Everything came back after… and I… I don't know. It's like I snapped again. I just… I couldn't handle it. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Stella stroked his hair tenderly. "It's okay, Adam," she said softly.

"I don't have a death wish. I don't want to die. I just… I didn't want to feel anything. But now… I'm sorry I did something so stupid."

"I know, sweetie." She continued to stroke his hair, and he closed his eyes. "You don't have to apologize to me."

"What about Mac?" Adam asked nervously. She shook her head.

"He's just worried about you, that's all," she replied.

Adam sighed, nodding slowly. "I... uh… I'm really tired."

"Get some rest, sweetie. I'll be here."

Adam nodded again, rolling over and going to sleep. Stella watched him silently, stroking his hair and hoping that they could bring him back from this hole.


	17. The Things I've Done

A/N: It's a 2 for 1 week for updates! Also, I have some time on my hands too. However, next week will be the regular Friday update. See the first chapter for the disclaimer. Oh, and get the tissues ready... ;) As always, I hope you enjoy, and please review. :)

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Chapter 16: The Things I've Done…

Adam was snoozing on the couch when there was a knock on his front door. He woke up, standing slowly after calling out, "I'm coming." He opened the door to find Danny standing there, a pizza and six pack of Coke in his hands. "Come on in," Adam said, stepping back from the doorway. Adam didn't really want company, but how could he turn down pizza?

Danny put the pizza down on the table as Adam grabbed a few napkins. "Sorry about bargin' in," Danny began. "But I haven't seen you in two weeks."

"Right." Adam sighed, sitting down at the table. Mac had put Adam on medical leave for the past two weeks, allowing the tech to get the help he needed.

Danny stopped what he was doing to turn to face Adam. Stunned by Danny's sudden halt in action, Adam looked over. "How you doin'?" Danny asked. "Seriously?"

Adam sighed. "Better," he said. And Adam had meant it. He was able to get up in the morning without incident now. The only thing still bothering him was trying to make things up to Stella. To her credit, she kept telling him that they were fine and that Adam had done nothing wrong. But he couldn't help feeling that he had done something wrong.

"You sure?" Danny asked, drawing Adam's attention back to him.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Adam replied. "Just… thinking a lot. I'll be back at work next week."

"Good. We've missed you there."

"Yeah." Both of them fell silent for a moment, starting on the pizza and soda.

"Can I ask you something?" Danny asked after a moment. Adam smirked.

"You just did," he retorted.

Danny rolled his eyes. "Somethin' else, ya clown."

"What's up?"

"What the hell happened?"

Adam sighed. It was something he had been trying to figure out for the past two weeks, and had only just recently been making breakthroughs in therapy. "When Kendall died," Adam finally began.

*~*~*~*

Danny perked up at that phrase. Adam hadn't ever talked to him about what happened after Kendall died. In fact, as far as Danny knew, Adam hadn't really talked to anyone but Stella about it. He had mentioned things in passing, maybe, to Mac, but not much more than 'I'm fine' or 'I'm not doing well,' as far as Danny knew. Danny looked at Adam, waiting for him to continue.

*~*~*~*

"When Kendall died," Adam repeated, looking down. "It was… bad. I... I had never felt more responsible for anything in my entire life."

"What do you mean?" Danny asked gently.

"About three weeks before, Kendall had come to me. She… she told me that she was being stalked. I didn't tell anyone about it. If I had, we could've done something, and she'd still be alive."

"Adam…"

"I didn't say anything because Kendall asked me not to. So, I know, I was just following her wishes. And I also know that even if I did tell someone, Kendall still could've died. But I would've had the peace of mind of knowing that I did something. But I did nothing. And I'm getting over that. I thought I was doing okay with that.

"But… I saw the scene, and… it was like everything came back," Adam explained. "I didn't know what to do anymore. It was like being back at square one. And… I couldn't find my way out. I knew what to do before, because Stella was right there, but… it was like I couldn't turn to her anymore. Crime scenes like that happen every day. We all know that. I couldn't admit to her that a big part of this job had made me lose my mind. I couldn't admit I was that weak."

"Adam," Danny said gently. "Having an issue with something on the job doesn't make you weak. Every single one of us has something that makes us crazy."

"Even Mac?" Adam asked.

"Even Mac. And the reason they get to us is because they remind us of something in our lives. 'Course, the pictures you saw were of my scene, which makes it worse. I'm sure if it wasn't me, it wouldn't have had the same reaction in you."

"I don't," Adam admitted thoughtfully.

"Trust me, each one of us goes crazy when one of us is hurt. You've seen it."

"Yeah, I know."

"I did that once too," Danny said. Adam tilted his head, silently asking for Danny to continue. "My first week on the job. I had a case that got to me… I still remember it to this day. Little kid, about three years old, strangled and mutilated by her own father. I couldn't understand it." Danny shook his head, sighing. "I couldn't get the case out of my head. It ate at me. And I was new, so I wasn't talkin' to Mac or Stella or Aiden about it. I wanted them to think I could handle it, you know?"

Adam nodded.

"So, it got to me, and one night, I drank so much I had to go to the hospital," Danny summed up. "Mac really helped me out with that. I learned to trust him."

"Yeah," Adam said softly, sighing. "I know. He's been pretty good."

"Mac's a good guy."

"I just… I feel bad about doing that to Stella, you know?"

Danny smirked. "Yeah, I know. But trust me, Adam, she's happy that you're okay. That's all that matters to her. She loves you, kid."

"I love her too," Adam said, smiling and blushing a bit.

Danny smiled. "Look at'chu."

"Shut up."

Danny chuckled, taking a bite of his pizza. "It gets better, kid," he said.

"I know," Adam said seriously, taking a drink from his soda.

"It doesn't completely leave, but you learn how to live with it. It takes a little to get there, but you'll get there. If you need anything, you know you can always talk to me. And Mac and Stella'll help you at the drop of a hat."

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Danny."

"No problem. Now, how about I kick your ass at some football, huh?" Danny nodded at Adam's video games, and Adam laughed.

"Oh, you're goin' down, Messer," he taunted, walking over to the games.

"We'll see, Cupcake."

*~*~*~*

His phone rang, and Flack looked at the number quietly. Sam's doctor's office. That wasn't a good thing. With a heavy sigh, he answered, "Detective Flack."

"Hey Donny," Sam said softly.

"What's up, sis?"

"I was wondering if you were going to be available later."

"Yeah, I'll come pick you up."

She sighed. "Thank God."

"You okay?" he asked, perplexed by her reaction.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Well, no worse, anyway. I just don't have the money for a cab, and I don't think I can walk back."

Flack nodded quietly, closing his eyes. Dr. Martins' office was only a few blocks from his apartment, so walking wasn't an issue unless she was too weak to walk. And neither of them really had the money for cabs or going out these days.

"I'll be there soon," he told her.

"You don't have to be here now," she replied. "I just got here."

"I know." His tone meant that he wanted to be there and support his sister at this appointment. Things had been worse lately, and he wanted to be there for her as much as he could.

"I'll see you soon," she conceded.

"Love you, sis."

"Love you too."

He hung up the phone and heaved a deep sigh. Every time he got a phone call these days, he was expecting to hear Sam was going back to the hospital, or worse, that she had died. And in the few moments when Sam's illness wasn't at the forefront of his mind, he kept thinking about how he was at risk of losing his apartment. He was barely making his rent and utility payments with all of Sam's medical bills. Between the two of them, their bank accounts were getting pretty decimated, and it was only a matter of time before they had nothing left. Money problems didn't bother Don, though.

It was Sam's ever-worsening condition that kept him awake at night.

*~*~*~*

Sam had fallen asleep during her chemo session, and Don was left alone to his own devices as he sat on the stool beside her recliner. He watched the chemicals drip into his sister's veins, hoping for what many family members hoped for- that miracle cure.

Dr. Martins walked over to him, putting his hand gently on Don's shoulder. "Don," he said softly. "Can we talk for a moment?"

"Sure," Don said, standing. He patted Sam's hand, getting only a sleepy grunt in response. He followed the doctor to his office, sitting down with the older man.

"You weren't here when I met with Sam earlier, and I wanted to touch base with you," Dr. Martins explained.

"Sure," Flack replied.

"I'm afraid that your sister's current treatment regimen isn't having a good effect."

Flack closed his eyes, swallowing. "She's getting worse," he surmised.

"I'm afraid so," Dr. Martins replied regretfully. "There is one last option for treatment. It's a new combination of chemotherapeutic agents, which may be able to help us. The only problem is…"

"It's more expensive," Flack guessed. Dr. Martins nodded, and Flack sighed deeply.

"I know that her insurance is helping a little bit, but I also know you guys are paying a lot as well. We will treat her regardless, if she chooses to go the course, but we also want to make sure that you guys are going to be okay."

"Tell me something honestly, Doc."

"Sure."

"Is this a 'Hail Mary' pass?" Flack's voice was equally steady and nervous in fear of the answer.

Dr. Martins bit his lip, nodding quietly. Flack absorbed the information with a nod, swallowing hard. "I'm sorry, Don," he said softly.

"I… thanks," Flack replied. "I need to talk this over with Sam. It's up to her. We'll figure something out."

"Of course. Let me know either way, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks, Doc."

"No problem. Is there anything I can do?"

Flack sighed, shaking his head. "You're doing the best you can," he said. "And while I wish everything could be just fine, I know better. But thank you for everything you're doing."

"You're welcome," he said. "How are you doing yourself, Don?"

Flack sighed again. "I'm hangin' in there." He wasn't sure why he was being so open with Dr. Martins. He couldn't even bring himself to talk to Danny about his feelings about this, and Danny was not only his best friend, but the only person who knew Sam was sick. "It's just tough knowin' that there's nothing I can do. Sam's my little sister, the little troublemaker, the one who's always made a mess of her life. And she calls me, and no matter the problem, I can always make it better. Except this time. There's nothing I can do. I can only sit and watch."

Dr. Martins nodded sadly, and Flack shook his head with a sigh. "Doesn't really matter how I feel, though," Flack said. "Sam's the one that's sick. She's the one I'm worried about."

"Don't forget to take care of yourself too, Mr. Flack," Dr. Martins said.

"I am. Thanks, Doc." Flack stood up, leaving the office to go join his sister once again. And as he sat down beside her, he looked at her frail, sleeping frame covered by a few blankets and wondered just how much longer his little sister could manage to hold on.


	18. Are Way Too Shameful

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. There are two chapters left after this one, just so you all know. :) I hope you guys enjoy the story, and please review!

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Chapter 17: …Are Way Too Shameful…

Adam sat down at the lab bench, sighing softly. He had been back at work for a couple of weeks now, and while things weren't 100% yet, he knew they would be soon. Things between him and Stella had hit a good note, and Adam was happy that the life around him was more stable with every passing day.

He just wish the same could be said for everyone else.

He knew Stella was upset almost every time she went into the lab, because of all the techs gossiping and making Lindsay's life harder than it had to be. And every time Adam heard them, he grew more and more pissed too.

Lindsay didn't deserve that. She made a mistake, and she was taking responsibility for it. They didn't have to be assholes about it. Adam shook his head, keeping that thought at bay as he continued his work.

*~*~*~*

A tired Flack ambled into the lab at the request of Mac. He walked into the supervisor's office, looking at the older man behind the desk. "What's up, Mac?" he asked softly.

Mac looked up, taking in the sight before him. The normally clean shaven, clean cut, well-dressed detective had a minor case of five o'clock shadow and slightly wrinkled clothes that looked like they had been slept in. And as Mac studied him closer, he realized that they were the clothes that Flack had been wearing the day before.

"Is everything okay, Don?" Mac asked quietly.

"You called me in to ask if I'm okay?" Flack replied, his confusion and fatigue adding an unnecessary edge to his voice.

"I'm worried about you."

Flack scoffed softly. "Your lab tech almost drank himself to death a month ago. One of your CSIs is six-and-a-half months pregnant with no support behind her and a bunch of people around the office calling her a slut. Another of your CSIs is worrying herself sick over your lab tech. And you're worried about me?"

"Adam's doing much better, Stella's fine, and I know Lindsay is doing relatively okay. You, on the other hand, are standing here looking like you haven't slept in months. You haven't shaved, and you're wearing yesterday's clothes."

"Mac, don't worry about me," Flack said calmly. He knew he had only lost his temper slightly because he was so tired. "You really should be worried about everyone else."

"I just want you to know I'm here for you, Don."

Flack smiled. "Thanks, Mac."

Mac nodded, silent.

"And, for your information, these aren't the clothes I was wearing yesterday."

Mac arched his eyebrows.

"Different tie," Flack offered with his characteristic smirk. Mac shook his head, not sure how else to react to Flack's joke as the younger man walked out of the office.

Mac had to admit, though, that Flack had brought up a good point. He really did need to check in with Lindsay.

*~*~*~*

He quickly took off his shirt out in the locker room, realizing that the wrinkles gave him away. The unfortunate thing was that Flack hadn't had time to shower, shave, and change before work this morning. Sam had woken up sicker than ever around 10pm last night, and Don had rushed her to the ER. He had just gotten home from work, and had spent the entire night with her in the hospital.

She was in pain. She was dehydrated. And she was getting worse.

They weren't sure how long Sam was going to be in the hospital, but Don had to do the one thing he never wanted to do- call their parents and explain that Sam was getting worse. His parents had been aware of Sam's cancer and were helping the siblings pay the bills, but they were retired and therefore fixed on how much support they could offer, hence how the siblings had to take the brunt of the financial burden.

Don had been at the hospital all night with his family, and hadn't left before having to go to work. So, while in the confines of the quiet locker room, he showered and shaved quickly before changing his shirt. He sighed heavily before going to meet up with Danny about the case they were currently working on.

*~*~*~*

Lindsay was working on one of Hawkes' reports for him when Mac walked in. She looked up from the computer screen to offer a small smile at her boss. "What can I do for you?" she asked, saving her work as she finished.

"I heard you've been getting a lot of grief around here," Mac said. She shrugged.

"Comes with the territory. Unmarried woman who doesn't have a boyfriend ends up pregnant? It's easy to label her, especially when the story is that I had a one night stand."

Mac said nothing, simply watching her.

"I'm fine, Mac," she assured him. "Really, I am. I've dealt with worse than people calling me names. And besides, Stella's been kicking anyone's ass who talks bad about me in front of her."

Mac smiled at that.

"I'm really okay," she told him.

"With having the baby?" he asked.

"Well, more than I was yesterday. And I'll be even more so tomorrow."

"With what happened?"

She sighed, looking down. "The, uh, the counselor's been helping," she said, looking up at Mac. "It's getting better."

Mac nodded, exhaling softly.

"Can I ask you something?" she said.

"Of course," Mac replied.

"What's going on with Flack? He doesn't look that good."

Mac shrugged, saying nothing.

"I know you've noticed," she said.

"I have," he confirmed.

"He's not talking?"

Mac shook his head, causing Lindsay to nod.

"I hope he's okay," she said softly.

"Me too," Mac replied softly, nodding and walking out of the room. She frowned at Mac's retreating form, wondering what that last statement meant.

*~*~*~*

"You look like shit," Danny commented, walking up to Flack at the scene.

"Gee, thanks, Messer," Flack replied.

"Look, when you're ready to talk, I'm here."

"I know." The two of them set about their work, neither really saying much of anything, but both wondering the same thing.

What would happen next?


	19. You're Just an Innocent

A/N: As promised, the weekly update. :) See the first chapter for the disclaimer. This is the second to last chapter, and it's rather emotional (both in a good way and a bad way), so you've been forwarned. As always, I hope you enjoy the chapter, and please review. :)

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Chapter 18: You're Just an Innocent…

"So, where are we going for lunch?" Lindsay asked as they climbed in the car. Stella smiled.

"Tavern," she said.

Lindsay furrowed her brow. "That's a rather nice place."

Stella shrugged. "You'll be having a baby soon, so I wanted to take you out to a nice lunch."

Lindsay shrugged, not reading any more into the situation. She gently rubbed her stomach, trying to will it to calm down. She had been feeling crampy all day, borderline contracting, but thought nothing of it. She was sure they were just Braxton-Hicks anyway, so she just rubbed her hand over her bump to try to make it better.

It wasn't working, though.

"You okay?" Stella asked, noticing the younger woman's discomfort.

"Yeah, fine," Lindsay said as they arrived at the restaurant. The pair headed inside the restaurant, only for Lindsay to find that Stella had arranged a baby shower. Lindsay shook her head. "You didn't have to do this," she told her friend.

"Of course I did," Stella replied. "One of my best friends is having a baby. Who would I be if I didn't throw you a party and invite your friends and family?"

Lindsay smiled, hugging Stella tightly. "Thanks."

"No problem."

Lindsay began greeting all of her friends and family, happy to see them. Many of them she hadn't visited with in years, so she was excited that they were here to share this with her. They sat down for lunch, chatting away the afternoon.

After being there for three hours, Lindsay winced for what had to be the hundred thousandth time that day, and her mother frowned. "Are you okay, sweetheart?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, fine," Lindsay said, forcing a smile.

"How far apart are they coming?"

Lindsay shrugged, sighing. "About every 10 minutes."

"You're in labor, sweetie."

"No. I can't be. I still have 10 more weeks."

"Not according to the baby," Heather, one of Lindsay's friends, said. "Girl, they come out when they want."

"But it's early," Lindsay said, her voice growing panicked.

"The baby'll be fine," Sarah, another friend of Lindsay's said. "I had mine at 29 weeks, and she's doing great."

Lindsay sighed as Stella wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, sweetie," Stella said, pulling her along toward the car. Lindsay's family followed suit, and the party shifted, heading to the hospital.

*~*~*~*

Flack walked into the maternity suite waiting room, being greeted by Mrs. Monroe with a warm smile. "You're Don," she said.

"Yes, ma'am," Flack replied, smiling.

"Most of the girls have left for a while, so you can head in there and visit with her. Stella's still calling the team, I think. You got here awfully fast."

"I wasn't far away," he said softly.

She nodded, picking up on his saddened tone. "Well, why don't you go on in there and see her?"

"Okay. It's nice meeting you, ma'am."

"Likewise."

Flack nodded, walking onto the ward and into Lindsay's room. She looked up at him and a wave of confusion struck her. "You got here really fast," she commented. "Stella only called you a minute ago."

He walked forward, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek before sitting down in the chair. "I was already here," he explained.

"Why? Are you okay?"

He snorted lightly. "I'm fine."

Lindsay put her hand on top of his. "Tell me about it."

"You're having a baby, Linds. You don't need to hear about my problems."

"I'm going to be in labor for a while. I don't want to focus on that. Plus, you look like you could use someone to talk to."

Flack sighed, shaking his head. "Linds…"

"Flack, if nothing else, I'm having a baby and am going crazy so focusing on something other than me right now would really make me feel better."

He sighed again, nodding in concession. "My sister's here," he said quietly.

Lindsay looked sympathetically at him, saying nothing.

"She's been sick for a while," he continued. "Ovarian cancer. And… she's been getting worse… treatments aren't really working, and she's been in and out of the hospital for the past month. She's in again now, and…" Flack sighed heavily, looking down. "I think she might be stopping treatment soon, and going into hospice. Not sure how much longer it'll be from there."

Lindsay frowned, reaching over to him to pull him into a hug. He accepted it, hugging her tightly and feeling her grip tighten as he assumed she had a contraction. He rubbed her back gently, whispering encouraging things. After it passed, she let go of him, relaxing back in the bed.

"I'm really sorry, Don," she said gently, taking his hand in hers again. He squeezed her hand gently, and watched as her face contorted in a different kind of pain.

"What're you hiding?" he asked.

"What makes you think I'm hiding something?"

"I'm a detective, Monroe."

She smiled. "True." She sighed softly, squeezing his hand gently. "Okay, since you opened up to me, I should do the same for you."

Flack was silent, just watching her.

"The truth about the baby. It wasn't a one-night stand. Well, it was, in that I haven't seen him since, but… I don't know who he is. I-I really don't remember what happened to this day, just that I woke up at home and was pregnant a month later."

Flack nodded silently, unable to even think of the words to say. She had glossed over it, but he could see the situation for what it was- her having been raped. And as many times as he had talked to rape victims before, this was different. This was his friend. And he had no idea what to say.

"Danny and Mac know," she said softly, looking at him. "Mac even tried to help me figure out who he was and what happened, but… I can't remember. I was drugged, I'm sure of it, and I don't know how that happened. Just… not careful, I guess."

"Linds, it's not your fault," Flack said gently.

"Yeah, I know," she replied, giving him a small smile. "I'm… I'm learning how to live with it, you know? It… it gets better each day."

"Good. Tha-that's good."

They both fell into an uncomfortable silence, neither one used to being that open with the other. After a moment, Stella bustled in with Lindsay's mother. "Okay, everyone's called," Stella said. "And they're on their way."

"How're you feeling, baby?" Mrs. Monroe asked.

"Okay right now," Lindsay replied.

Flack smiled quietly, standing from the chair. "If you ladies would excuse me, I think I'm gonna go for a little bit," he said softly. He leaned in and kissed Lindsay on the cheek. "I'll be back later."

"Okay."

"Stell, keep me posted."

"I will," Stella promised.

"But, no gory details," Flack said, causing the women in the room to laugh. "Take care, and good luck."

"Thanks," Lindsay said, watching as he walked out of the room. He made his way off the maternity ward, sighing as he reached the empty waiting room. Sometimes, he wished he didn't know.

*~*~*~*

"He was here pretty quickly," Stella commented after he left the room. Lindsay shrugged, groaning as another contraction hit her.

"He said he wasn't far away," Mrs. Monroe replied.

"His apartment's across the city."

"Why does it matter?" Lindsay asked, breathing heavily after the contraction. "He's here."

"I'm just… I'm worried about him," Stella said softly.

Lindsay nodded, saying nothing as she breathed deeply. In between contractions, she had taken to breathing deeply and trying to relax as much as possible, doing her best to save her energy for later. "He'll be okay," Lindsay offered after a moment. "Not right now, but he will be."

"Yeah." The women in the room began chatting about other things, trying to help Lindsay along in her labor by keeping her relaxed.

*~*~*~*

Flack was sitting in the darkened room, holding Sam's hand with his eyes closed. His younger sister was sleeping at the moment, her energy spent from fighting this losing battle. She had made her decision before falling asleep, and Flack was trying to come to terms with it.

She was giving up.

He had never known his little sister to give up at anything, but then again, she had never gotten herself into something she couldn't win. But this… this was something she wasn't going to beat, and they all knew it. So she was choosing to stop the expensive treatments now while they still had some money left and go through hospice. Because at least that way she'd die comfortably.

At least he hoped so, anyway.

The door quietly creaked open, and Flack inhaled deeply. He didn't have to turn around to know who had just walked into the room. For a few moments, neither person spoke, until the visitor finally sighed softly.

"How is she?" he asked gently. Flack sighed.

"She's not going to make it, Dan," he said softly, trying to keep his voice steady. He lost the battle with his emotions when Danny's hand landed on his shoulder, breaking down into tears for the first time in a while. Before he completely lost himself he stood up, not wanting Sam to see her big brother crying if she woke up. Danny followed him out of the room and down the hall.

"I'm sorry, Don," he told the homicide detective softly.

"Me too," Flack replied, tears streaming down his face. Danny put his hand back on Flack's shoulder, not sure what else to do. As Flack sat down against the wall, Danny sat beside him, keeping his hand on Flack's shoulder.

After what felt like forever, Danny finally spoke up, "So, what's going to happen now?"

Flack sniffled, clearing his voice the best he could. "Uh," he began, coughing slightly. "She's… uh… she's going to be released from the hospital. After that, she'll… she'll be living with me again… she'll have, uh, home health services for… for hospice care."

Danny bit his lip, nodding quietly. He kept his gaze averted from Flack, not wanting his best friend to see him crying too. Flack looked down at the tile floor, tears streaming down his face. Both of them remained there, saying nothing and trying to calm themselves down when Flack's phone rang.

"Flack," he said softly. Danny looked over as Flack said, "Hey Stella. Okay. We'll be up in a bit."

"What's up?" Danny asked as Flack hung up the phone.

"Lindsay's got a little girl," Flack replied.

"Awesome."

"We should head up there."

Danny cleared his throat, nodding. He stood up first, and then extended his hand to Flack. Flack took Danny's hand, getting up with the CSI's help. With a deep sigh, they made their way upstairs, putting on their best happy faces for the new mommy.


	20. Helpless Victim of a Spiders Web

A/N: See the first chapter for the disclaimer. This is the end of the story! I hope you enjoy, and please review!

* * *

Epilogue: …Helpless Victim of a Spider's Web

He sighed heavily, straightening up his tie in the mirror. He combed his hair one last time before straightening out his jacket. Behind him, he heard her soft chuckle, and he turned to her with a scowl.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "You're just that much more adorable when you're nervous."

"Gee, thanks," he replied. "That's exactly what I was going for." He sighed, letting his sarcasm drop. "I feel like a dork."

"Well, you look like one too." She stood up, walking over and fixing his tie for him. "Now you look good."

"Thanks," he said, kissing her softly. She smiled.

"You're welcome. Now… shall we?"

He nodded silently, taking her hand in his as they left his apartment.

*~*~*~*

They made their way into the funeral home, saying their prayers before walking over to the family. The first person to embrace them was Mrs. Flack, followed by Mr. Flack and the older brothers. The last person they reached was Don, who was sitting down with Danny at the moment. Adam and Stella quickly joined them, embracing Don with comforting arms.

"I'm so sorry," Stella said softly. Don closed his eyes, nodding quietly. "How're you holding up?"

Don shrugged. "I'm hangin' in there," he said softly.

"I'm sorry," Adam offered. Don simply nodded, patting Adam on the shoulder as Mac joined them. Mac hugged Don, as did Hawkes when Hawkes arrived. The two of them sat down as Lindsay walked up, taking her turn to hug Don.

"Where's Lizzy?" Hawkes asked her quietly.

"With my mom," Lindsay replied. "She's too little to be here."

"Yeah."

The group sat together through the calling hours, chatting comfortably. Don chose to mostly watch, thinking about each of them.

Hawkes had long ago exorcised his demons, reconciling with the past. While there were always going to be things that he encountered in the hospital that would always stick with him, Don knew that he would handle them much in the same way he handled everything else- systematically and one step at a time.

Lindsay was showing pictures of her baby girl when asked, talking about how her daughter was doing. While she may never completely get over what happened, Don knew that Lindsay would do her best to make sure Elizabeth had the best life she could.

Danny would never be completely comfortable thinking about how he had gotten beaten up for trying to be a good guy, but that would never stop him from doing that again. He would always do his best to make things right. Not just for him, but for those around him, which was why he was adamant about helping Lindsay raise Elizabeth.

Mac never had been the type to sit back and watch and hope things got better, but Don knew that with everything happening as it did, that was the best role Mac could've been in. They all knew that Mac was there for them and had their backs, and knew that they could turn to him for anything and everything. Knowing that made Don feel more comfortable, because there was always someone he could turn to in Mac.

Adam and Stella were holding hands and sneaking affectionate moments whenever they thought no one was looking, and Don couldn't have been happier for the two of them. She made him whole and had helped him pull himself out of the hole he was in. He was a great guy, someone that Stella could trust and never have to worry about turning homicidal. They were perfect for each other, and if Don had ever believed in soul-mates, he would know they were it.

As for himself, Don knew that he would eventually be okay. Losing Sam was hard on him, as was watching her final moments, but he knew that she was in a better place and, at the very least, she wasn't suffering anymore. Part of him would always feel that there was something he could have done to make things different throughout their lives to keep them from getting as distanced as they did, but they had made their peace before she passed. For that, he was happy.

While he knew things would never be the same as they were a year ago, he also knew that everyone had made it through that much stronger, and that he was going to be too. He had their strength and support behind him, but there was something else. Something they had all learned over the past year.

Time helps to heal everything.

The End.


End file.
